Hello Internet:
So today I was looking in the mirror- and I realized...I seemed thinner than I had the last couple weeks. Do not think that I am calling myself fat or anything, because I am not insecure about my body- nor have I ever been. I have always been the tiny one...who instead of getting made fun of for being fat, was made fun of for being anorexic or bulimic, and I can tell you right now I am far from either!
The thing is...I did get a little insecure the last few weeks, and I don't know if that's because I had so much going on and was stressed and just wanted to lay in my bed all day, but instead was out running around all day with no rest in between, but ultimately, I would look in the mirror and just see this little pouch at the bottom of my stomach.
At first didn't think anything of it, didn't care. But then my mind started really running wild. I would look in the mirror and say I'm gaining weight (THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!!!!! to girls who are afraid to!) but finally today when I got out of the shower and just looked in the mirror I saw beauty. I just looked at my soul and beauty was pouring out of it.
I saw a video last night on "anti-hazing" in colleges, and I can tell you right now I can not remember the last time I have been so moved by a film. This boy at Boland College I think in Colorado was murdered because he was told to drink until he passed out basically. The brothers brought the pledges back to the house and this boy, Gordie...just layed on the couch, passed out. The boys then thought it would be funny to draw all over him with sharpie. One in specific saying "It sucks to be YOU!".
Gordie did not wake up that morning. In FACT! He was laying face down on the floor in his throw up for 10 hours before anyone called for help! The one boy they interviewed who I think was a brother of this frat, with tears welling in his eyes just said something along the lines of, "you know, it sucks having a friend like that and just knowing the last thing you did to them before they died was drawing on them with sharpie."
HOW SICK. After that film I texted all of the most important people in my life, because what I think we most often forget is to show these emotions: gratitude, love, passion, etc. I made sure to text my family, my boyfriend, and my closest friends who have impacted my life. The ones that have stood by me through whatever and I know will always be there.
I realized with that film that life is too short to worry about if I'm gaining weight or if my paper isn't "A" quality, because there is so much more to life. I do not want to live one minute of my life anymore with out the closest people around me knowing I love them unconditionally, and always will.
The point of all of this...is our imagination makes our mind run wild. I did a beautiful thing last night and touched about a dozen people's hearts and day, and today when I woke up finally well rested: looked in the mirror and although there is acne on my face and my nose has a bump on it, my feet are disgusting, my boobs are too small, my hair isn't the right color, I haven't plucked my eyebrows in weeks, I still managed to just look in the mirror and see beauty. None of that today matters.
Gratitude is the one thing I stress most in this blog, because with out being grateful for something, we don't know what we have.
So Internet: With this, I ask you to look in the mirror- what do you see? Anger, love, beauty, peace, broken heart- what is it that is inside of you that is making your days a little duller, a little brighter, a little harder? Find what that is...and instead of looking in the mirror and seeing sadness and anger- look in the mirror and start seeing beauty and peace- because we are all peacefully beautiful!
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tights....are not pants.
Hello Internet:
So, today is more of a funny/WTF? type post. There is a difference between tights, you know the see-through ones, and spandex tights like cotton or whatever...that you can't see-through haha.
I will say this, and I do not mean this in a rude way what so ever...but sometimes I have to wonder what people are thinking when they get up in the morning. Yes a lot of people do not have the money to go and get nice clothes, I don't being a college student...and personally Forever 21 is cheap with good clothes. Good Will has cheap cute clothes too. The thing is is I feel that people just really don't care about themselves by the way they dress.
This girl in my one class I swear she is a hooker (no disrespect) at heart. Apparently a sweetheart I have never personally talked to her, but she wears these see-through tights with short shirts that barely cover her ass. And although this is wrong, my friends and I get some sort of guilty pleasure trying to figure out what she thinks when she looks in the mirror in the morning. The fact that she is clearly wearing a thong under these shear tights and you can clearly see a "full moon" out in a prison cell class room is astonishing!
I will admit, I am not the most fashionable person on this planet, and would love to have millions of dollars and just own a store in my house, but I think clothing speaks volumes.
If I wore sweat pants, a grungy shirt, and pulled my hair back and stumbled into work, I can guarantee they would say "Ummm.....there is the door bum." And that's the sad part, we are all constantly being judged; honestly though, there are some limits.
I feel uncomfortable when my shorts don't go to my finger tips, when my shirt doesn't go past my belt line, or for that matter anymore, even cover my ass. I just don't see how some girls can flaunt there shit, whether it be their boobs popping out of their shirts, or asses hanging out of shorts, or literally wearing nothing to cover themselves.
It is a profession and whether you see the porn/stripper/prostitute industry as art/entertainment/ or a disgrace, it is going on. This need to be SEXY and sultry. Which to me is sad. Yes, I own some sexy clothing, but I don't really wear it. I feel so uncomfortable and love just wearing jeans, or yoga pants and a t-shirt.
Ultimately, my point I am trying to get at, is don't let the fact that people are constantly judging us change what you wear. I will always be comfortable and dress comfortable.
-Miss Optimistic
So, today is more of a funny/WTF? type post. There is a difference between tights, you know the see-through ones, and spandex tights like cotton or whatever...that you can't see-through haha.
I will say this, and I do not mean this in a rude way what so ever...but sometimes I have to wonder what people are thinking when they get up in the morning. Yes a lot of people do not have the money to go and get nice clothes, I don't being a college student...and personally Forever 21 is cheap with good clothes. Good Will has cheap cute clothes too. The thing is is I feel that people just really don't care about themselves by the way they dress.
This girl in my one class I swear she is a hooker (no disrespect) at heart. Apparently a sweetheart I have never personally talked to her, but she wears these see-through tights with short shirts that barely cover her ass. And although this is wrong, my friends and I get some sort of guilty pleasure trying to figure out what she thinks when she looks in the mirror in the morning. The fact that she is clearly wearing a thong under these shear tights and you can clearly see a "full moon" out in a prison cell class room is astonishing!
I will admit, I am not the most fashionable person on this planet, and would love to have millions of dollars and just own a store in my house, but I think clothing speaks volumes.
If I wore sweat pants, a grungy shirt, and pulled my hair back and stumbled into work, I can guarantee they would say "Ummm.....there is the door bum." And that's the sad part, we are all constantly being judged; honestly though, there are some limits.
I feel uncomfortable when my shorts don't go to my finger tips, when my shirt doesn't go past my belt line, or for that matter anymore, even cover my ass. I just don't see how some girls can flaunt there shit, whether it be their boobs popping out of their shirts, or asses hanging out of shorts, or literally wearing nothing to cover themselves.
It is a profession and whether you see the porn/stripper/prostitute industry as art/entertainment/ or a disgrace, it is going on. This need to be SEXY and sultry. Which to me is sad. Yes, I own some sexy clothing, but I don't really wear it. I feel so uncomfortable and love just wearing jeans, or yoga pants and a t-shirt.
Ultimately, my point I am trying to get at, is don't let the fact that people are constantly judging us change what you wear. I will always be comfortable and dress comfortable.
-Miss Optimistic
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
"A luxury so hard to find"
Hello Internet:
So this song has been played a lot lately, due to a friend and because it is absolutely amazing.
Gone Away- by Safetysuit
"I think about life, and oh how it changes so fast.
And oh how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give.
I think about time, a LUXURY so hard to find.
And I just can't figure out why I wasted it all here without you.
But I'll be fine, oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in a hurry to be gone away awhile.
Tell me all the things that I- I'll be missing here,
In this old life, man cause I just don't know.
I think about you, and all of the times that we shared.
And oh what a wonderful pair, we made it so far- here we go again.
I think about love, and oh what a beautiful song
And oh how it needs to be sung here sing it so loud all the world can here
I think I'll be gone away awhile.
Tell me all the things that I-I'll be missing here in this old life, man cause I just don't know."
First of all, the first verse is so true. Time: what do we know about it. We have 24 hours in a day, however many minutes that is and same with seconds. We know schedules, such as I have a paper due in a week. If we don't have schedules and don't have time we freak out. I didn't know when my writing paper was due and was stressing, until I found out it was due later in March. If we don't know what is going on in a relationship- our minds freak out!
-Maybe he doesn't actually like me?
-Maybe he just needs some ass?
-Maybe this is a bet, a joke, a lesson?
When we don't know the answers to things- our natural tendency is to spaz out! But I ask you this Internet- what are we doing with the spazzing out we all do?
We are wasting this luxury of time. Wasting time to get to know someone else, to move on, to learn, to grow, to experience.
I guess what I'm saying is there aren't enough hours in a day to get all of the things we need to get done, done. But that isn't a bad thing. Handle your time how you want, and next time you don't know the answer to something...just go along with the ride of life. It has a plan for us and you are going where you were meant to be.
<3- Miss Optimistic
So this song has been played a lot lately, due to a friend and because it is absolutely amazing.
Gone Away- by Safetysuit
"I think about life, and oh how it changes so fast.
And oh how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give.
I think about time, a LUXURY so hard to find.
And I just can't figure out why I wasted it all here without you.
But I'll be fine, oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in a hurry to be gone away awhile.
Tell me all the things that I- I'll be missing here,
In this old life, man cause I just don't know.
I think about you, and all of the times that we shared.
And oh what a wonderful pair, we made it so far- here we go again.
I think about love, and oh what a beautiful song
And oh how it needs to be sung here sing it so loud all the world can here
I think I'll be gone away awhile.
Tell me all the things that I-I'll be missing here in this old life, man cause I just don't know."
First of all, the first verse is so true. Time: what do we know about it. We have 24 hours in a day, however many minutes that is and same with seconds. We know schedules, such as I have a paper due in a week. If we don't have schedules and don't have time we freak out. I didn't know when my writing paper was due and was stressing, until I found out it was due later in March. If we don't know what is going on in a relationship- our minds freak out!
-Maybe he doesn't actually like me?
-Maybe he just needs some ass?
-Maybe this is a bet, a joke, a lesson?
When we don't know the answers to things- our natural tendency is to spaz out! But I ask you this Internet- what are we doing with the spazzing out we all do?
We are wasting this luxury of time. Wasting time to get to know someone else, to move on, to learn, to grow, to experience.
I guess what I'm saying is there aren't enough hours in a day to get all of the things we need to get done, done. But that isn't a bad thing. Handle your time how you want, and next time you don't know the answer to something...just go along with the ride of life. It has a plan for us and you are going where you were meant to be.
<3- Miss Optimistic
Sunday, February 21, 2010
What's In a Day
Hello Internet-
Today is short and sweet...but I want you to think about your days. What are they made of, who are they made of, and where are they made of.
What makes a day a good day, or what makes a day a bad day?
Who even created this idea of a 24 hour day, where we sleep for half of it? Where we stress for the other, where we are angry, sad, happy, relaxed, all these emotions for the half of it. Where did all of these emotions come from?
What is in a day? A lover, a bed, homework, a book, a pet, who knows what is in a day...because each day is different and each day consists of different things.
The thing I want you to think about is what is in a lot of your days? Why do you keep that thing around? Think about how that thing is important, or unimportant, think about what it would be like without that thing...and then start appreciating it.
Again, don't take things, people, places, anything for granted- you may be so thankful one day, but when you keep talking and using they eventually will get tired of it and before you know it they'll be gone.
Amor todo lo- LOVE IT ALL!
-Miss Optimistic
Today is short and sweet...but I want you to think about your days. What are they made of, who are they made of, and where are they made of.
What makes a day a good day, or what makes a day a bad day?
Who even created this idea of a 24 hour day, where we sleep for half of it? Where we stress for the other, where we are angry, sad, happy, relaxed, all these emotions for the half of it. Where did all of these emotions come from?
What is in a day? A lover, a bed, homework, a book, a pet, who knows what is in a day...because each day is different and each day consists of different things.
The thing I want you to think about is what is in a lot of your days? Why do you keep that thing around? Think about how that thing is important, or unimportant, think about what it would be like without that thing...and then start appreciating it.
Again, don't take things, people, places, anything for granted- you may be so thankful one day, but when you keep talking and using they eventually will get tired of it and before you know it they'll be gone.
Amor todo lo- LOVE IT ALL!
-Miss Optimistic
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Procrastination
Hello Internet:
While I procrastinate more on the paper I have due tomorrow...I figure it is time to get over my unwinding time.
I want to say that we all do get overwhelmed and have unexpected things happen in our lives, but I realized today that it is those that don't leave your side that make it easier.
"I wanted so badly somebody other than me.
Staring back at me bu you were gone.
I wanted to see you walking backwards,
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone."
-Time and Time Again: Counting Crows
I am listening to the song now, and the lyrics have given my body goose pimples. Surprisingly enough, I am someone that is easy to walk out on, and has been walked out on many times, and mostly by men. I can guarantee many of you have felt this as well. But I will say this- with every closed door and every back turned, although it may hurt at the time, each time we are walked out on we are taught something.
Taught to watch what we say, taught to not open up as much, taught to listen, taught to chase after someone, taught anything that deals with that certain situation. My father is a master of walking out on us, and what I have learned from it...is to be strong. To not rely on him for anything other than to support me in my decisions. Each closing door is a new layer of skin on my delicate body. Because, although I have had many closed doors in my past from him, regardless I can turn to him for help with an issue I'm having, an opinion, or support in my education and extra curriculars.
My mistake the other night was to take a man walking out on me in a negative way. I stayed up all night tossing and turning wondering how I had found yet another boy that can just easily walk away from me. But what I didn't realize, is he walked out because he cared. He walked out because that's what he thought I wanted.
Maybe that's why a lot of men do walk out on us. Because they can't sit there and watch us hurt and suffer when they don't know what to do. Maybe they just have this idea that the way they can help us is by putting on their coat, slipping on their shoes and twisting the door knob, with a quiet slam behind them.
We are all looking for someone who will stick things out with us regardless, but I know for a fact my father is numb to emotion. He doesn't know how to deal with it, nor does he want to know anymore. His life or past has taught him to close the door on emotion and adolescence.
So I guess what I am saying Internet is to not feel so bad when a door is closed. Like I told my friend who is dying to be an artist- every no and every denial should push you to keep going and push you to want that label even more. Like striving to be an artist- every closed door and every person that walks out on us should be our reason to keep going and keep showing people what they are walking out on. I know who I am- I am a young intelligent woman, I'm cute and understanding, I listen more than I speak, I love more than I hate, and am respectful and honest more than I probably should be. The way I live my life is hard to find in this society- so who would want to walk out on me?
Internet- I ask you to answer the same question. WHO ARE YOU? And what are the reasons why people wouldn't want to walk out on you. Then once you have those answers...you will know if you are walked out on...that person was a waste of your time, and to only keep pushing on.
-Miss Optimistic.
While I procrastinate more on the paper I have due tomorrow...I figure it is time to get over my unwinding time.
I want to say that we all do get overwhelmed and have unexpected things happen in our lives, but I realized today that it is those that don't leave your side that make it easier.
"I wanted so badly somebody other than me.
Staring back at me bu you were gone.
I wanted to see you walking backwards,
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone."
-Time and Time Again: Counting Crows
I am listening to the song now, and the lyrics have given my body goose pimples. Surprisingly enough, I am someone that is easy to walk out on, and has been walked out on many times, and mostly by men. I can guarantee many of you have felt this as well. But I will say this- with every closed door and every back turned, although it may hurt at the time, each time we are walked out on we are taught something.
Taught to watch what we say, taught to not open up as much, taught to listen, taught to chase after someone, taught anything that deals with that certain situation. My father is a master of walking out on us, and what I have learned from it...is to be strong. To not rely on him for anything other than to support me in my decisions. Each closing door is a new layer of skin on my delicate body. Because, although I have had many closed doors in my past from him, regardless I can turn to him for help with an issue I'm having, an opinion, or support in my education and extra curriculars.
My mistake the other night was to take a man walking out on me in a negative way. I stayed up all night tossing and turning wondering how I had found yet another boy that can just easily walk away from me. But what I didn't realize, is he walked out because he cared. He walked out because that's what he thought I wanted.
Maybe that's why a lot of men do walk out on us. Because they can't sit there and watch us hurt and suffer when they don't know what to do. Maybe they just have this idea that the way they can help us is by putting on their coat, slipping on their shoes and twisting the door knob, with a quiet slam behind them.
We are all looking for someone who will stick things out with us regardless, but I know for a fact my father is numb to emotion. He doesn't know how to deal with it, nor does he want to know anymore. His life or past has taught him to close the door on emotion and adolescence.
So I guess what I am saying Internet is to not feel so bad when a door is closed. Like I told my friend who is dying to be an artist- every no and every denial should push you to keep going and push you to want that label even more. Like striving to be an artist- every closed door and every person that walks out on us should be our reason to keep going and keep showing people what they are walking out on. I know who I am- I am a young intelligent woman, I'm cute and understanding, I listen more than I speak, I love more than I hate, and am respectful and honest more than I probably should be. The way I live my life is hard to find in this society- so who would want to walk out on me?
Internet- I ask you to answer the same question. WHO ARE YOU? And what are the reasons why people wouldn't want to walk out on you. Then once you have those answers...you will know if you are walked out on...that person was a waste of your time, and to only keep pushing on.
-Miss Optimistic.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Unwind
Hello Internet:
Just wanted to tell you that I will not be writing for a while.
We all just need those days to unwind and chill, and I need to gather my thoughts and calm down. A lot is going on in my life and need to take a breather.
Will post when something comes along and/or am feeling less stressed.
-Miss Optimistic
Just wanted to tell you that I will not be writing for a while.
We all just need those days to unwind and chill, and I need to gather my thoughts and calm down. A lot is going on in my life and need to take a breather.
Will post when something comes along and/or am feeling less stressed.
-Miss Optimistic
Monday, February 15, 2010
Communication
Hello Internet-
So I want to start this entry by stressing how important communication is between two people. Whether it be friends, family, companions, or especially roommates. If there is no communication, emotions build and things are said or done that weren't intentionally meant.
For example. My roommate a sweetheart, very peppy, and loves to have fun and go out all of a sudden stoppedtalking to me, or in general around me, gave me and my friends dirty looks and stopped beig considerate of me and my room as well. Today after me and a friend left the room I finally texted her and was like look I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but would like it if you talked to me about it. So after a few weeks of awkward looks and silence, she finally tells me she doesn't feel comfortable coming home to her room anymore. And the reason why made me laugh. Because I have close friend here who is of a different sexand I enjoy spending time with him that irritates her? But that's not even all of it. She took blew one of his comments way out of poportion and after that didn't want him in our room.
Granted she is busy with pledging and whatever she does- she is rarely in our room. But I do understand the fact that when she does come home, she doesn't wantto come home to people- she just wants to relax. Although, her one friend who is the same sex and is ALWAYS in our room is there when I want to relax and my roommate knows that I am not the fondest of her.
So, how is this fair? There are a lot of things other people may have that you don't, but honestly instead of getting hostile and angry do something about it. She had talked to me a while ago about how she wanted a good guy friend to just lie in bed with and talk with. I honestly think she feels comfortable when she's in our room- I think she just feels a little jealous I have something she doesn't. It's funny she has everything, perfect family, good girlfriends, a social life, etc but lately rolls have been switching and I am content with my life. Making girlfriends and getting a social life and an amazing guy to spend my down time with.
Here is the thing. We all want what we can't have, but instead of looking at what others have and feeling sorry for yourself- go and find it! Because it is outthere. If you really want something why wait for it to happen? Go and make it happen.
I want to share a quote that was emailed to me today....
"Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.
Worry attracts more worry. Anxiety attracts more anxiety. Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness. Disatisfaction attracts more disatisfaction.
AND...
Joy attracts more joy. Happiness attracts more happiness. Peace attracts more peace. Gratitude attracts more gratitude. Kindness attracts more kindness. And love attracts more love.
Your job is an inside one. To change your world, all you have to do is change the way you feel."
: by Rhonda Byrne writer of The Secret
-Miss Optimistic
So I want to start this entry by stressing how important communication is between two people. Whether it be friends, family, companions, or especially roommates. If there is no communication, emotions build and things are said or done that weren't intentionally meant.
For example. My roommate a sweetheart, very peppy, and loves to have fun and go out all of a sudden stoppedtalking to me, or in general around me, gave me and my friends dirty looks and stopped beig considerate of me and my room as well. Today after me and a friend left the room I finally texted her and was like look I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but would like it if you talked to me about it. So after a few weeks of awkward looks and silence, she finally tells me she doesn't feel comfortable coming home to her room anymore. And the reason why made me laugh. Because I have close friend here who is of a different sexand I enjoy spending time with him that irritates her? But that's not even all of it. She took blew one of his comments way out of poportion and after that didn't want him in our room.
Granted she is busy with pledging and whatever she does- she is rarely in our room. But I do understand the fact that when she does come home, she doesn't wantto come home to people- she just wants to relax. Although, her one friend who is the same sex and is ALWAYS in our room is there when I want to relax and my roommate knows that I am not the fondest of her.
So, how is this fair? There are a lot of things other people may have that you don't, but honestly instead of getting hostile and angry do something about it. She had talked to me a while ago about how she wanted a good guy friend to just lie in bed with and talk with. I honestly think she feels comfortable when she's in our room- I think she just feels a little jealous I have something she doesn't. It's funny she has everything, perfect family, good girlfriends, a social life, etc but lately rolls have been switching and I am content with my life. Making girlfriends and getting a social life and an amazing guy to spend my down time with.
Here is the thing. We all want what we can't have, but instead of looking at what others have and feeling sorry for yourself- go and find it! Because it is outthere. If you really want something why wait for it to happen? Go and make it happen.
I want to share a quote that was emailed to me today....
"Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.
Worry attracts more worry. Anxiety attracts more anxiety. Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness. Disatisfaction attracts more disatisfaction.
AND...
Joy attracts more joy. Happiness attracts more happiness. Peace attracts more peace. Gratitude attracts more gratitude. Kindness attracts more kindness. And love attracts more love.
Your job is an inside one. To change your world, all you have to do is change the way you feel."
: by Rhonda Byrne writer of The Secret
-Miss Optimistic
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day.
Hello Internet:
First of all, Happy Valentine's Day. I personally dislike the holiday because I think it is bull shit that people created a specific day to show their love, when we should be doing it non-stop.
I think our culture is so wrapped up in this idea that we need to buy and need to celebrate, that we forget that we don't need Thanksgiving to be thankful, we don't need Valentine's day to show our love, we don't NEED Halloween to buy candy. I don't even know why we celebrate half the holidays we do, and just found out in a class that Valentine's day is actually celebrating a saint? haha what?! The holiday now has NOTHING to do with a Saint...Pathetic.
BUT! to those of you that do love this holiday, enjoy it. Love the company of love and embrace it.
On a side note.
I may keep repeating myself...but I ask you...Why do we all get caught up in this judgmental bull shit?
For example: MUSIC. Love music listen to every genre, but when a friend today asked what I was listening to and I replied John Mayer, he said John Mayer is a fag.
Of course my response was calm and reasonable: "The thing is you aren't accepting of other things. You just have your own way and expect other people to do your way too. Instead of making fun of my music choice...maybe you should start broadening your horizons and stop being so god damn stubborn!"
And then signed offline...haha
The sad part about it, is he texts me denying he is stubborn, but isn't that what's funny. If you deny and get defensive about something, most likely it is true. Take addiction for example, you say "No, I'm fine...It's just a once in a while thing..I can quit whenever I want" translation: "I am addicted, I don't know how to stop!"
What a joke. I laughed, and the fact he used the word choice he did appalled me. A week or so ago we were in class and he told me to hook him up with one of my soon to be sisters, so I took his computer and of course went on facebook, showed him pictures to only get "no's" because they were not pretty enough. I got so angry, because the girls that are in the house I am a new member at are the sweetest most genuine girls I have ever met. Yet because they may not be the prissy "look at me look at me" spoiled "sorority" girls he tilts his nose up and looks the other way. BULL SHIT! When did our society get so fucking shallow?!
Enjoy what is around you, enjoy each day, and enjoy people for who they are- not what they have or what they look like.
C'mon people- grow up!
-Miss Optimistic.
P.S. that is why I don't like this holiday, because people take people for granted until this holiday rolls around and then all of a sudden they are sooo happy that they have their companion- because they aren't single on single's awareness day!
First of all, Happy Valentine's Day. I personally dislike the holiday because I think it is bull shit that people created a specific day to show their love, when we should be doing it non-stop.
I think our culture is so wrapped up in this idea that we need to buy and need to celebrate, that we forget that we don't need Thanksgiving to be thankful, we don't need Valentine's day to show our love, we don't NEED Halloween to buy candy. I don't even know why we celebrate half the holidays we do, and just found out in a class that Valentine's day is actually celebrating a saint? haha what?! The holiday now has NOTHING to do with a Saint...Pathetic.
BUT! to those of you that do love this holiday, enjoy it. Love the company of love and embrace it.
On a side note.
I may keep repeating myself...but I ask you...Why do we all get caught up in this judgmental bull shit?
For example: MUSIC. Love music listen to every genre, but when a friend today asked what I was listening to and I replied John Mayer, he said John Mayer is a fag.
Of course my response was calm and reasonable: "The thing is you aren't accepting of other things. You just have your own way and expect other people to do your way too. Instead of making fun of my music choice...maybe you should start broadening your horizons and stop being so god damn stubborn!"
And then signed offline...haha
The sad part about it, is he texts me denying he is stubborn, but isn't that what's funny. If you deny and get defensive about something, most likely it is true. Take addiction for example, you say "No, I'm fine...It's just a once in a while thing..I can quit whenever I want" translation: "I am addicted, I don't know how to stop!"
What a joke. I laughed, and the fact he used the word choice he did appalled me. A week or so ago we were in class and he told me to hook him up with one of my soon to be sisters, so I took his computer and of course went on facebook, showed him pictures to only get "no's" because they were not pretty enough. I got so angry, because the girls that are in the house I am a new member at are the sweetest most genuine girls I have ever met. Yet because they may not be the prissy "look at me look at me" spoiled "sorority" girls he tilts his nose up and looks the other way. BULL SHIT! When did our society get so fucking shallow?!
Enjoy what is around you, enjoy each day, and enjoy people for who they are- not what they have or what they look like.
C'mon people- grow up!
-Miss Optimistic.
P.S. that is why I don't like this holiday, because people take people for granted until this holiday rolls around and then all of a sudden they are sooo happy that they have their companion- because they aren't single on single's awareness day!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Love
Hello Internet:
Today is short and sweet. I think if I make my comments on what I am posting it will ruin the beautiful lyrics. Read: Think: Realize- All we need is love <3.
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game-
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy.
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love...
Love is all you need!
There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy.
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need."
Beatles- All you need is love
-Miss Optimistic
Today is short and sweet. I think if I make my comments on what I am posting it will ruin the beautiful lyrics. Read: Think: Realize- All we need is love <3.
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game-
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy.
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love...
Love is all you need!
There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy.
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need."
Beatles- All you need is love
-Miss Optimistic
Friday, February 12, 2010
Shadows.
Hello Internet:
So as I am basking in this glorious sunny RARE day... I started thinking about how beautiful days are with a little bit of sun. Then- ran across this quote-
"False friends are like our shadow. Keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade." - Christian Nestell Bovee
And after reading, couldn't help but realize how true that quote is. We all have friends, but I can guarantee a lot of them are as Bovee says "false". We need to surround ourselves with positivity- because then life will wreak of happiness and positivity- what we all need.
Let go of the bad influences in your life...they will only drag you down and ruin you even more. For example:
I worked as a waitress at this restaurant. My sister used to work there and warned me: there are a lot of drugs at that place. I had quit smoking weed about a year before I started working there. I had this best friend, who was the worst influence on me ever. First being around her high all the time and her smoking around me didn't seem like a big deal, started smoking again. The friends I was hanging out with were "false" friends. Even me and her joked about it when I had to go back to get a little extra cash that we were just each others drug buddies if you will haha. (I am sorry to my family, when you read this.) Then, seeing pills being popped left and right and snorted left and right up in the bathrooms that didn't seem too bad either. By the end of the 8 months or so I had worked there...I had realized how awful this place was for me. I grew far from my mom and my family. Lost a lot of friends, and had people borrowing money from me to use on drugs and I never got it back. I was the restaurants little toy. I lost my "best false friend" I didn't want anything to do with these numbing drugs anymore. I wanted my old friends back and wanted my mom back most importantly. My dog, was the only thing that seemed real in my life. I walked around numb to everything, because I literally was. It was funny because I thought I was so strong and beyond all of that, but with the "false friends" around, was so blinded and didn't realize I was falling far into a hole I would never want to be in. I stopped loving myself yet again, and just turned to anything to fill this empty spot in my heart.
The best thing that happened to me was a hispanic man I worked with. My best friend. I was his "bebita" and he would've done anything for me. Unfortunately he went to jail for being drunk after a huge fight we got into, and is now back in Mexico. But he was a real friend. A shadow that followed me into the shade. He hated seeing me do what I was doing and when he went to jail I left the restaurant. That was my realization that the whole 6 months I had just lived through were a joke.
Do not let these people who pretend to care about you drag you down. We are all beautiful and all human, and we deserve the best. I will say that if I had not gone through the last year of my life, I would still not be as strong as I am now. I don't need drugs, nor do I even want them, a waste of my time and money. I spent enough numb moments to know how much better living sober is.
If you look to your friends and they are all false...reach to me. Comment,e-mail me.
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com.
Whatever you want I will listen respond, anything.
"I can be your sunny day
The one who keeps your troubles away
You're my one and only, and when you're feeling lonely
I can wipe the tears from your face."
-Good Love by The Last Goodnight.
On that note Internet: start looking at the people around you and make sure that you are happy and the people are "true" friends.
-Miss Optimistic
So as I am basking in this glorious sunny RARE day... I started thinking about how beautiful days are with a little bit of sun. Then- ran across this quote-
"False friends are like our shadow. Keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade." - Christian Nestell Bovee
And after reading, couldn't help but realize how true that quote is. We all have friends, but I can guarantee a lot of them are as Bovee says "false". We need to surround ourselves with positivity- because then life will wreak of happiness and positivity- what we all need.
Let go of the bad influences in your life...they will only drag you down and ruin you even more. For example:
I worked as a waitress at this restaurant. My sister used to work there and warned me: there are a lot of drugs at that place. I had quit smoking weed about a year before I started working there. I had this best friend, who was the worst influence on me ever. First being around her high all the time and her smoking around me didn't seem like a big deal, started smoking again. The friends I was hanging out with were "false" friends. Even me and her joked about it when I had to go back to get a little extra cash that we were just each others drug buddies if you will haha. (I am sorry to my family, when you read this.) Then, seeing pills being popped left and right and snorted left and right up in the bathrooms that didn't seem too bad either. By the end of the 8 months or so I had worked there...I had realized how awful this place was for me. I grew far from my mom and my family. Lost a lot of friends, and had people borrowing money from me to use on drugs and I never got it back. I was the restaurants little toy. I lost my "best false friend" I didn't want anything to do with these numbing drugs anymore. I wanted my old friends back and wanted my mom back most importantly. My dog, was the only thing that seemed real in my life. I walked around numb to everything, because I literally was. It was funny because I thought I was so strong and beyond all of that, but with the "false friends" around, was so blinded and didn't realize I was falling far into a hole I would never want to be in. I stopped loving myself yet again, and just turned to anything to fill this empty spot in my heart.
The best thing that happened to me was a hispanic man I worked with. My best friend. I was his "bebita" and he would've done anything for me. Unfortunately he went to jail for being drunk after a huge fight we got into, and is now back in Mexico. But he was a real friend. A shadow that followed me into the shade. He hated seeing me do what I was doing and when he went to jail I left the restaurant. That was my realization that the whole 6 months I had just lived through were a joke.
Do not let these people who pretend to care about you drag you down. We are all beautiful and all human, and we deserve the best. I will say that if I had not gone through the last year of my life, I would still not be as strong as I am now. I don't need drugs, nor do I even want them, a waste of my time and money. I spent enough numb moments to know how much better living sober is.
If you look to your friends and they are all false...reach to me. Comment,e-mail me.
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com.
Whatever you want I will listen respond, anything.
"I can be your sunny day
The one who keeps your troubles away
You're my one and only, and when you're feeling lonely
I can wipe the tears from your face."
-Good Love by The Last Goodnight.
On that note Internet: start looking at the people around you and make sure that you are happy and the people are "true" friends.
-Miss Optimistic
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Direction?
Hello Internet-
I ask you, have we all forgotten what respect is? Granted I live off of respect, but I feel a lot of us have lost that want to respect others. My room mate for example. Loved her to death thought she was awesome, now she comes home late every night slams or door 100 times drops and shuffles through her shit and then eventually passes put at god knows when.
And tonight while I'm trying to now fall asleep, her annoying little friend is here who she complains about half the time. The weird thing is- she complains to me about HALF the things she does- yet SHOCKINGLY still does them! For example. She hated pledging this one house. Okay I'm a college student. She hated it complained how the girls weren't her style, she didn't think she fit in blah blah blah bull shit. So she dropped. To later! Be back in it coming home hazes out of her mind waking me up in the middle of the night.
So why have we lost the want to follow through with things we say? I will admit, I didn't think the sorority scene was for me- and then everything happens for a reason and I end up in the best house with the realist most amazing girls I have ever met. Things do happen, but when all I hear about is complaining- yet she still does it and I'm still getting annoyed- I don't like it.
Internet we need to remember we aren't the only ones on the earth and be conscious of others.
-Miss Optimistic
I ask you, have we all forgotten what respect is? Granted I live off of respect, but I feel a lot of us have lost that want to respect others. My room mate for example. Loved her to death thought she was awesome, now she comes home late every night slams or door 100 times drops and shuffles through her shit and then eventually passes put at god knows when.
And tonight while I'm trying to now fall asleep, her annoying little friend is here who she complains about half the time. The weird thing is- she complains to me about HALF the things she does- yet SHOCKINGLY still does them! For example. She hated pledging this one house. Okay I'm a college student. She hated it complained how the girls weren't her style, she didn't think she fit in blah blah blah bull shit. So she dropped. To later! Be back in it coming home hazes out of her mind waking me up in the middle of the night.
So why have we lost the want to follow through with things we say? I will admit, I didn't think the sorority scene was for me- and then everything happens for a reason and I end up in the best house with the realist most amazing girls I have ever met. Things do happen, but when all I hear about is complaining- yet she still does it and I'm still getting annoyed- I don't like it.
Internet we need to remember we aren't the only ones on the earth and be conscious of others.
-Miss Optimistic
Black History Month
Hello Internet:
I apologize for no post, but today I will do one now, and another later on. In honor of black history month, I am going to talk about race and our nationalities. My friend told me a story about how someone used the word Indian as a racial slur. But look at it the other way. Let's say ( to those of us that are white) we were a darker color. What would you do if someone called you "nigger" , "Indian", "chino" etc.
Where we came up with these racist acts/words is beyond me. We are all human and all the same regardless ofthe color of our skin. I guess what I am trying to say is don't judge. One of the greatest and most wise men I know is black. Some of the most genuine people I have met are black. These people know how it feels to be discriminated against, an because of that are the most open, sincere people in our society today. Don't get me wrong, a lot of my white friends are sincere and honest as well, but there is something special about ethnic people.
They seem to laugh more, enjoy life, and just live better. They have fully understood what sister/brotherhood is about and are there for eachother. They use their race as an advantage to build better friendships, where as the whites are lost. Their big heads run with the idea that they are the "best" at everything.
So I challenge you Internet: in the month of black history month- reach out to different races and learn from them.
-Miss Optimistic
I apologize for no post, but today I will do one now, and another later on. In honor of black history month, I am going to talk about race and our nationalities. My friend told me a story about how someone used the word Indian as a racial slur. But look at it the other way. Let's say ( to those of us that are white) we were a darker color. What would you do if someone called you "nigger" , "Indian", "chino" etc.
Where we came up with these racist acts/words is beyond me. We are all human and all the same regardless ofthe color of our skin. I guess what I am trying to say is don't judge. One of the greatest and most wise men I know is black. Some of the most genuine people I have met are black. These people know how it feels to be discriminated against, an because of that are the most open, sincere people in our society today. Don't get me wrong, a lot of my white friends are sincere and honest as well, but there is something special about ethnic people.
They seem to laugh more, enjoy life, and just live better. They have fully understood what sister/brotherhood is about and are there for eachother. They use their race as an advantage to build better friendships, where as the whites are lost. Their big heads run with the idea that they are the "best" at everything.
So I challenge you Internet: in the month of black history month- reach out to different races and learn from them.
-Miss Optimistic
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
SMOKERS are cool....
Hello Internet:
http://health.yahoo.com/news/afp/healthustobacco_20100209102313.html
Thought I would start out with everyone seeing this article. It's funny I never really cared that people would smoke, but honestly it sickens me more every day. Of course I don't say anything...people should be able to live their own lives...but SERIOUSLY?!
Why would you willingly want to light up these "cancer" sticks and just slowly kill yourself? Is that how someone wants to live? Not only cancer, but other sicknesses come with it. Smoking makes you age faster, more prone to getting sick cause it screws up your immune system, and on top of it is just disgusting. With all the information that we have today and the studies- why the hell does anyone smoke anymore?!
It is such a disgusting habit, and not to mention your hands, clothes, and breath wreak after. So if you are a smoker- I ask you this. What made you start? Or better yet Why? What was so important that now you slowly kill yourself with every click of that lighter?
A few of my friends smoke and my sisters and brother-in-law have all smoked, luckily my family members have stopped. My friends know I hate it, but I can't do anything about it.
Today isn't really a lesson, it's more of a think about what your doing.
Do you really want to die because you killed yourself?
-Miss Optimistic
http://health.yahoo.com/news/afp/healthustobacco_20100209102313.html
Thought I would start out with everyone seeing this article. It's funny I never really cared that people would smoke, but honestly it sickens me more every day. Of course I don't say anything...people should be able to live their own lives...but SERIOUSLY?!
Why would you willingly want to light up these "cancer" sticks and just slowly kill yourself? Is that how someone wants to live? Not only cancer, but other sicknesses come with it. Smoking makes you age faster, more prone to getting sick cause it screws up your immune system, and on top of it is just disgusting. With all the information that we have today and the studies- why the hell does anyone smoke anymore?!
It is such a disgusting habit, and not to mention your hands, clothes, and breath wreak after. So if you are a smoker- I ask you this. What made you start? Or better yet Why? What was so important that now you slowly kill yourself with every click of that lighter?
A few of my friends smoke and my sisters and brother-in-law have all smoked, luckily my family members have stopped. My friends know I hate it, but I can't do anything about it.
Today isn't really a lesson, it's more of a think about what your doing.
Do you really want to die because you killed yourself?
-Miss Optimistic
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A New Chapter
Hello Internet:
After all has been said and done, think about all you do. Remember where you came from- and don't let others change you.
Although I am starting a new chapter in my life, I am challenged to change into more of a well-rounded person. To be more open and less judgmental. Life has created this outlook that we all need to be stick thin, blond, and drop. dead. gorgeous! And in reality, we all are. Whether we are 100 or 200 pounds, there is beauty in all of us.
A new chapter means a new beginning, but don't forget where you came from, and please don't lose the person you are.
Over all I leave you with this: Create new surroundings for yourself and embrace them, don't let the surroundings embrace you.
-Miss Optimistic
After all has been said and done, think about all you do. Remember where you came from- and don't let others change you.
Although I am starting a new chapter in my life, I am challenged to change into more of a well-rounded person. To be more open and less judgmental. Life has created this outlook that we all need to be stick thin, blond, and drop. dead. gorgeous! And in reality, we all are. Whether we are 100 or 200 pounds, there is beauty in all of us.
A new chapter means a new beginning, but don't forget where you came from, and please don't lose the person you are.
Over all I leave you with this: Create new surroundings for yourself and embrace them, don't let the surroundings embrace you.
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, February 6, 2010
"You just know"
Hello Internet:
So, a little saying that I have been hearing from a lot of girls lately is, "you just know", and what is funny about it- is I did. After being pushed and pushed by someone...I just knew I wasn't meant to be there and be doing what I had been doing.
It's funny how we get so caught up in things, that we almost forget why we didn't want to do them in the first place. For so long I just wanted this one thing in my life that I have felt was missing; I have been wrong. I just realized it had been there all along. I have never had many friends that were girls, but I also neglected the fact, that my best girlfriends were there the whole time. My sisters and my mom. Maybe I'm not the girl that knows every ones business, and not the one that wears pearls around her neck, nor do I feel I need to be drunk to have fun.
I don't know everybody that lives in the city I live in, nor do I want to. I forgot why I had hated my high school years so much and why I was dying to get out of them. I may be speaking for myself, but ultimately I think a lot of people can agree with me. It isn't about HOW many people you know, it's about the people that you DO know. Look at your closest friends- whether it be one, three, or 10. How well do you know them and vice versa. And today, I realized I have the best fucking friends ever.
It may not be who society has built them up to be, but ultimately at the end of the day, they are always there. My rocks, I cry they cry, they hurt I hurt. We are all our own people and we all want different things, but honestly, I got so wrapped up in something I didn't even really want in the first place, I forgot where my home was.
So internet: I leave you with this. Are your friends your friends? Or, do you just like the idea that girls or guys in society are supposed to have 1000 contacts in their phone or always know someone where ever they go.
We shouldn't have to be "chosen" to be someone's friend it should just happen. So don't force yourself into doing something because "society" sees it as "normal" do something because YOU want to...because if you don't do what you want to do...you will not be the person you were meant to be.
-Miss Optimistic
So, a little saying that I have been hearing from a lot of girls lately is, "you just know", and what is funny about it- is I did. After being pushed and pushed by someone...I just knew I wasn't meant to be there and be doing what I had been doing.
It's funny how we get so caught up in things, that we almost forget why we didn't want to do them in the first place. For so long I just wanted this one thing in my life that I have felt was missing; I have been wrong. I just realized it had been there all along. I have never had many friends that were girls, but I also neglected the fact, that my best girlfriends were there the whole time. My sisters and my mom. Maybe I'm not the girl that knows every ones business, and not the one that wears pearls around her neck, nor do I feel I need to be drunk to have fun.
I don't know everybody that lives in the city I live in, nor do I want to. I forgot why I had hated my high school years so much and why I was dying to get out of them. I may be speaking for myself, but ultimately I think a lot of people can agree with me. It isn't about HOW many people you know, it's about the people that you DO know. Look at your closest friends- whether it be one, three, or 10. How well do you know them and vice versa. And today, I realized I have the best fucking friends ever.
It may not be who society has built them up to be, but ultimately at the end of the day, they are always there. My rocks, I cry they cry, they hurt I hurt. We are all our own people and we all want different things, but honestly, I got so wrapped up in something I didn't even really want in the first place, I forgot where my home was.
So internet: I leave you with this. Are your friends your friends? Or, do you just like the idea that girls or guys in society are supposed to have 1000 contacts in their phone or always know someone where ever they go.
We shouldn't have to be "chosen" to be someone's friend it should just happen. So don't force yourself into doing something because "society" sees it as "normal" do something because YOU want to...because if you don't do what you want to do...you will not be the person you were meant to be.
-Miss Optimistic
Friday, February 5, 2010
Passion.
Hello Internet:
I apologize for not posting yesterday- had a ummm...interesting day to say the least. Haha. Today has been a torturing day, I find out very useful information at 3 today, and it is killing me! Haha, I just want to know now :-).
Anywho... I talked about this book called 1,000 Journals Project already by um SOMEGUY. And today, I was inspired again by this author. There is one entree that says, "Is fire born within each heart or sparked by experience?" And funny enough- everything that I have been around lately has all been based off experience and observing. And what a good question...are we naturally just passionate about things or do we need to go through things in order to find passion within ourselves?
Honestly I think it is a little bit of both. Yesterday I was thrown into old habits, yet changed it by "closing my hands on what I wanted" and not letting the things get ripped away from me. The passion was sparked by experience and past experiences to be so angry and care so much about the situation that occured. If I had not gone through half of the things I have, I would've blown it off and not cared or what have you.
Although, fire is born within each heart too. Think about it...you don't need experience to know you would do ANYTHING for any one of your family members. You don't need to talk with them about loving them no matter what; it just is.
So I ask you Internet; passion? Love? Experience? Wisdom? Think about how all of these things come together in order to light this fire that burns with in you. What is the fuel added that makes you more passionate about whatever, or what is the water that dims the fire and makes you not give a shit. Think about the wants, the not wants, and the in-betweens. You have all you want, it's just a matter of what you think is worth fighting for.
-Miss Optimistic.
P.S.- I read on someone's facebook profile a quote... it said, " It's never too late to change your life." Remember this, it will come up in later posts.
I apologize for not posting yesterday- had a ummm...interesting day to say the least. Haha. Today has been a torturing day, I find out very useful information at 3 today, and it is killing me! Haha, I just want to know now :-).
Anywho... I talked about this book called 1,000 Journals Project already by um SOMEGUY. And today, I was inspired again by this author. There is one entree that says, "Is fire born within each heart or sparked by experience?" And funny enough- everything that I have been around lately has all been based off experience and observing. And what a good question...are we naturally just passionate about things or do we need to go through things in order to find passion within ourselves?
Honestly I think it is a little bit of both. Yesterday I was thrown into old habits, yet changed it by "closing my hands on what I wanted" and not letting the things get ripped away from me. The passion was sparked by experience and past experiences to be so angry and care so much about the situation that occured. If I had not gone through half of the things I have, I would've blown it off and not cared or what have you.
Although, fire is born within each heart too. Think about it...you don't need experience to know you would do ANYTHING for any one of your family members. You don't need to talk with them about loving them no matter what; it just is.
So I ask you Internet; passion? Love? Experience? Wisdom? Think about how all of these things come together in order to light this fire that burns with in you. What is the fuel added that makes you more passionate about whatever, or what is the water that dims the fire and makes you not give a shit. Think about the wants, the not wants, and the in-betweens. You have all you want, it's just a matter of what you think is worth fighting for.
-Miss Optimistic.
P.S.- I read on someone's facebook profile a quote... it said, " It's never too late to change your life." Remember this, it will come up in later posts.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A Friendly Reminder
Hello Internet:
A double dose today. I felt bad about my last post and just wanted to say, regardless of whatever struggles you have dealt with or gone through- remember you are beautiful and people do really care. People will surprise you.
One of my biggest "flaws", if you will, is opening up to people...and honestly I don't get why. I have fully opened up once and that special boy is no longer in my life, nor do I want him in my life anymore...at all. But I started thinking today, when a friend of mine said "not everyone is out to hurt you". I disagreed at the time, but maybe that's why this friend has stumbled into my life- to guide me back into having faith and trust in people.
We can't have these walls built so high, how are we supposed to live and keep living if we are trapped within our own thick beautiful skin? I challenge you Internet, open up to someone. Someone you care for and trust, someone who is genuine and seems to want to be there for you. I promise you, the few that are reading it right now, I will slowly disassemble my walls. It is time I let love in, it is time I let people care and want to care about me the way I do them. It is time for a change in my life- why not make one in yours?
Internet I am slowly realizing the main objective of this blog is to challenge you. To push you to your limits and show the world what you have been so fearful to reveal. So I leave you with this: what has been stopping you from making your life more enjoyable? If you like/enjoy it, keep it around. Don't let anyone other than yourself tell you what you are or are not capable of.
- Miss Optimistic
A double dose today. I felt bad about my last post and just wanted to say, regardless of whatever struggles you have dealt with or gone through- remember you are beautiful and people do really care. People will surprise you.
One of my biggest "flaws", if you will, is opening up to people...and honestly I don't get why. I have fully opened up once and that special boy is no longer in my life, nor do I want him in my life anymore...at all. But I started thinking today, when a friend of mine said "not everyone is out to hurt you". I disagreed at the time, but maybe that's why this friend has stumbled into my life- to guide me back into having faith and trust in people.
We can't have these walls built so high, how are we supposed to live and keep living if we are trapped within our own thick beautiful skin? I challenge you Internet, open up to someone. Someone you care for and trust, someone who is genuine and seems to want to be there for you. I promise you, the few that are reading it right now, I will slowly disassemble my walls. It is time I let love in, it is time I let people care and want to care about me the way I do them. It is time for a change in my life- why not make one in yours?
Internet I am slowly realizing the main objective of this blog is to challenge you. To push you to your limits and show the world what you have been so fearful to reveal. So I leave you with this: what has been stopping you from making your life more enjoyable? If you like/enjoy it, keep it around. Don't let anyone other than yourself tell you what you are or are not capable of.
- Miss Optimistic
Miss Pessimistic?????
Hello Internet:
Since I want to keep this blog a daily thing, today may not be what is normally given. Last night a lot of my past experiences were forced back into my mind, and I can't quite get them out. The arguments, friends lost and gained, things I had stupidly done, all the things I try so hard every day to forget.
I haven't felt this in a while honestly, and to those that know what this feeling feels like- it is so hard to explain. Ever since it all rushed back there has been a constant "bad" butterflies feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like I'm supposed to be doing something, or something bad is going to happen. And honestly, it scares me. For once, in a long long long time, I am actually content and satisfied with myself and where I am- and we all have been here, right? And I know this is kind of contradicting to previous post(s)...but honestly I am scared this feeling won't last.
Why do we do that? We KNOW it won't last, and we should cherish every moment we have, but that even tiny bit of inclination that what you have will be snatched away we freak out. My mind has been running in circles, and I apologize for this post- not what I wanted to post, but then again...we all hurt sometimes. We all have pains and struggles, which I guess is honestly the reason for my blog. To open up minds and show people that there isn't only one way to think about things.
The one thing that would always bother my family about my dad is yes, he may understand that there are other ways of people doing things- but he doesn't understand WHY?. Why do people use drugs or anything else to ease their pain, "just swallow it and keep pressing on" is something he would say. Haha, I remember when he found out I was seeing a counselor THAT WAS FUNNY! He called me and was like what are you doing basically, and I just started screaming and crying on the phone telling him he couldn't tell me shit because he has never been there. That he needs to understand that I'm not perfect (no one is) and that he needs to start accepting what I had been doing. I think the emotion got to him, and he honestly didn't know how to handle it and told me about these online therapists- it's like IM only they help you? Haha weird.
I don't know, at this point in my post I am just kinda rambling on...letting emotions leave my iced over heart. The overcast cold day doesn't help me want to smile either. It's odd, I am always the one smiling and laughing at literally, everything. But the moment I stop- the world collapses- people don't like it, they don't understand why I'm being so "moody".
Something to ponder Internet: Why is it that people get angry when someone who is normally so happy go lucky all of a sudden is human and hurts a little. Is it because they don't know how to handle it, because you were the reason they smile? Why?! Why can they hurt and I can't?
Last night when it all rushed in- I don't like talking about my emotional past a lot anymore- my friend just looked at me and was like I don't like you being quiet. I don't like you like this...did I do something? Can I fix it? Smile. C'mon. Pushing and pushing, but I ask you friend, why can't I just be human? I know they wanted me to open up and talk about it, but then once I did- I was automatically cut off.
One problem about always listening- people don't expect you to talk.
So what I leave you with today is...
"Stand up for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone."
Listen to others, but DO NOT let them take the power of your words away either. Make others listen once in a while...help them learn something they didn't know. I challenge you Internet, listen for a while, once they get used to it- try talking and see what happens. Then STAND UP for yourself. Do not let anyone take away your voice...never.
Beauty comes out in the words we speak.
-Miss Pessoptimisic?
Since I want to keep this blog a daily thing, today may not be what is normally given. Last night a lot of my past experiences were forced back into my mind, and I can't quite get them out. The arguments, friends lost and gained, things I had stupidly done, all the things I try so hard every day to forget.
I haven't felt this in a while honestly, and to those that know what this feeling feels like- it is so hard to explain. Ever since it all rushed back there has been a constant "bad" butterflies feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like I'm supposed to be doing something, or something bad is going to happen. And honestly, it scares me. For once, in a long long long time, I am actually content and satisfied with myself and where I am- and we all have been here, right? And I know this is kind of contradicting to previous post(s)...but honestly I am scared this feeling won't last.
Why do we do that? We KNOW it won't last, and we should cherish every moment we have, but that even tiny bit of inclination that what you have will be snatched away we freak out. My mind has been running in circles, and I apologize for this post- not what I wanted to post, but then again...we all hurt sometimes. We all have pains and struggles, which I guess is honestly the reason for my blog. To open up minds and show people that there isn't only one way to think about things.
The one thing that would always bother my family about my dad is yes, he may understand that there are other ways of people doing things- but he doesn't understand WHY?. Why do people use drugs or anything else to ease their pain, "just swallow it and keep pressing on" is something he would say. Haha, I remember when he found out I was seeing a counselor THAT WAS FUNNY! He called me and was like what are you doing basically, and I just started screaming and crying on the phone telling him he couldn't tell me shit because he has never been there. That he needs to understand that I'm not perfect (no one is) and that he needs to start accepting what I had been doing. I think the emotion got to him, and he honestly didn't know how to handle it and told me about these online therapists- it's like IM only they help you? Haha weird.
I don't know, at this point in my post I am just kinda rambling on...letting emotions leave my iced over heart. The overcast cold day doesn't help me want to smile either. It's odd, I am always the one smiling and laughing at literally, everything. But the moment I stop- the world collapses- people don't like it, they don't understand why I'm being so "moody".
Something to ponder Internet: Why is it that people get angry when someone who is normally so happy go lucky all of a sudden is human and hurts a little. Is it because they don't know how to handle it, because you were the reason they smile? Why?! Why can they hurt and I can't?
Last night when it all rushed in- I don't like talking about my emotional past a lot anymore- my friend just looked at me and was like I don't like you being quiet. I don't like you like this...did I do something? Can I fix it? Smile. C'mon. Pushing and pushing, but I ask you friend, why can't I just be human? I know they wanted me to open up and talk about it, but then once I did- I was automatically cut off.
One problem about always listening- people don't expect you to talk.
So what I leave you with today is...
"Stand up for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone."
Listen to others, but DO NOT let them take the power of your words away either. Make others listen once in a while...help them learn something they didn't know. I challenge you Internet, listen for a while, once they get used to it- try talking and see what happens. Then STAND UP for yourself. Do not let anyone take away your voice...never.
Beauty comes out in the words we speak.
-Miss Pessoptimisic?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Struggles.
Hello Internet:
While I sit here just thinking and trying to figure out what the hell to even write about today, I thought of a close friend of mine. Sweetest girl you will ever meet, always smiling and or laughing, very smart, beautiful, and most importantly- a girl who knows what she wants; doesn't judge or discriminate, and is open to any opportunity that comes her way.
Unfortunately, one of her family members passed away this last weekend, and she had to go to the funeral. Hadn't seen her for a few days, and then today when I saw her- her life and happiness seemed to be burnt out. That glow in her eyes was dimmed and her smile was faded. All I can think about today is how much we all hurt. Today is kinda an add on from yesterday- meshes into more detail of my thoughts.
A few months ago, my friend wore a short sleeved shirt- and from previous experiences my natural tendency is to look at wrists; when I noticed a few red marks on her arm. I was torn in half. I am not sure how to talk to her about it nor do I know what to say. "Cutting" is such a hard subject to talk about, and I know the struggles and pains that come along with the addiction. A very very close person to me struggled with this for many years, so I know the fake smiles they have to paste on their face and the hurtful laughs they have to create to "appear" happy. A facade so beautiful, and the inside so dark and gloomy.
I refrain from getting into any more details, for the person I am talking about may not want me to, but I never really got how bad it was until she sent a picture of the cut she had recently done. Down her leg I believe it was, the crusted blood around the dark red line made my stomach turn and my heart sink.
How is it that naturally the most amazing and beautiful people, underneath tend to be hurting the most? They tend to be struggling the most.
But some others may get into this painful way of living to feel alive.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything seems like the movies,
Yea you bleed just to know your alive."
-Goo Goo Dolls: Iris
The song came on my Ipod earlier, and every time I hear those lyrics goose-bumps run up and down my body. But in a way the lyrics are so true. Underneath our thin skin, blood and movement: life is circling through us; these people in pain just want to know that they still are living, still are alive.
Internet: have you ever just felt like things aren't real. That everything in life seems too surreal that you "pinch yourself" to make sure it is? Imagine feeling this all the time.
Anyway, my intentions for this blog were to not be pessimistic, trust me, it is in my name to not be :-). My intentions are to bring light to the situation. The scars on my friends arm are a permanent memory of her struggles, they may keep her pressing on and moving. But, know there is always someone who knows how you feel, and there is always someone who is willing to listen. If you can't find anyone...I guarantee you I will. You listen to my rambles about my thoughts- why wouldn't I listen to the followers?
Struggles are something hard to overcome, and hard to get through alone.
Something I want you to ponder Internet: never give up- if life gets you down and you feel misled. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and let it go. Let all your worries and stresses flow out with your breath. Why should we waste this one life we are given?
To my friend, which I doubt will read this, I have been through your struggle, and have dealt with death, hell I have been dreaming about it all week. But know that there is always someone here, who wants to help and wants to see your beautiful smile. We are all unique in how we deal with things, so instead of being closed and lecturing people as to why they do something a certain way- ask WHY?!
Why do you hurt yourself? Why do you want this piercing? etc. Figure out what's going on in their heads, instead of judging- a wise woman told this to me.
Our life is about listening. So I tell you once again Internet, start listening.
-Miss Optimistic
While I sit here just thinking and trying to figure out what the hell to even write about today, I thought of a close friend of mine. Sweetest girl you will ever meet, always smiling and or laughing, very smart, beautiful, and most importantly- a girl who knows what she wants; doesn't judge or discriminate, and is open to any opportunity that comes her way.
Unfortunately, one of her family members passed away this last weekend, and she had to go to the funeral. Hadn't seen her for a few days, and then today when I saw her- her life and happiness seemed to be burnt out. That glow in her eyes was dimmed and her smile was faded. All I can think about today is how much we all hurt. Today is kinda an add on from yesterday- meshes into more detail of my thoughts.
A few months ago, my friend wore a short sleeved shirt- and from previous experiences my natural tendency is to look at wrists; when I noticed a few red marks on her arm. I was torn in half. I am not sure how to talk to her about it nor do I know what to say. "Cutting" is such a hard subject to talk about, and I know the struggles and pains that come along with the addiction. A very very close person to me struggled with this for many years, so I know the fake smiles they have to paste on their face and the hurtful laughs they have to create to "appear" happy. A facade so beautiful, and the inside so dark and gloomy.
I refrain from getting into any more details, for the person I am talking about may not want me to, but I never really got how bad it was until she sent a picture of the cut she had recently done. Down her leg I believe it was, the crusted blood around the dark red line made my stomach turn and my heart sink.
How is it that naturally the most amazing and beautiful people, underneath tend to be hurting the most? They tend to be struggling the most.
But some others may get into this painful way of living to feel alive.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything seems like the movies,
Yea you bleed just to know your alive."
-Goo Goo Dolls: Iris
The song came on my Ipod earlier, and every time I hear those lyrics goose-bumps run up and down my body. But in a way the lyrics are so true. Underneath our thin skin, blood and movement: life is circling through us; these people in pain just want to know that they still are living, still are alive.
Internet: have you ever just felt like things aren't real. That everything in life seems too surreal that you "pinch yourself" to make sure it is? Imagine feeling this all the time.
Anyway, my intentions for this blog were to not be pessimistic, trust me, it is in my name to not be :-). My intentions are to bring light to the situation. The scars on my friends arm are a permanent memory of her struggles, they may keep her pressing on and moving. But, know there is always someone who knows how you feel, and there is always someone who is willing to listen. If you can't find anyone...I guarantee you I will. You listen to my rambles about my thoughts- why wouldn't I listen to the followers?
Struggles are something hard to overcome, and hard to get through alone.
Something I want you to ponder Internet: never give up- if life gets you down and you feel misled. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and let it go. Let all your worries and stresses flow out with your breath. Why should we waste this one life we are given?
To my friend, which I doubt will read this, I have been through your struggle, and have dealt with death, hell I have been dreaming about it all week. But know that there is always someone here, who wants to help and wants to see your beautiful smile. We are all unique in how we deal with things, so instead of being closed and lecturing people as to why they do something a certain way- ask WHY?!
Why do you hurt yourself? Why do you want this piercing? etc. Figure out what's going on in their heads, instead of judging- a wise woman told this to me.
Our life is about listening. So I tell you once again Internet, start listening.
-Miss Optimistic
Monday, February 1, 2010
Inspiration
Hello Internet:
So inspiration is a beautiful thing. Whether it be a beautiful snowy day or just a word heard in passing. Inspiration is something found in many things: art, music, life, love, friendship, food, clothing, and everything else you can think of. Today I stumbled upon a book called "The 1000 Journals Project" by SOMEGUY.
It is a bunch of pages from different journals and they all come together to make this book of inspiring words, drawings, images, sayings, etc. There was one that really really stood out to me, so of course I decided to tell you all about it :-).
Four photo negatives, from a camera, spewed on the page with a simple strip of white with bright black letters saying, "MY FATHER SAID : ALWAYS SAVE THE NEGATIVES"
What a powerful message...and I wish I knew who wrote it, because I would give them props. People do say, live in the moment, forget the past but honestly, you can't. I believe I have stated in previous posts to live and don't take things for granted etc., to love each moment ladeeda, if not well I just did. But honestly, the "negatives" are what made you and the person you are today.
People always seem to remember the positives, but why forget the negatives when they are such a huge part of your life. All the negatives teach you what NOT to do, where all the positives teach you WHAT TO DO, and even vice versa too. It's sad though, because people are so easy to forget all the negatives, that they forget part of where they came from and who they are.
A lot of the negatives in my life have just been hurdles to get over. My family for instance has had numerous accounts of trying to fix and mend others, a lot of anger and emotion is sewn throughout my family, and looking back has only made me more wise. "Wisdom is the aging of the soul"- is a quote I kinda came up with today, and it's true.
My sisters have been my negative angels; trust me this is a good thing. Through their falls and stumbles, they have cleared the weeded path for me. Although some of the things they have done I have fallen prey too, they still love me and I love them no matter what. Addiction I the biggest negative in many peoples lives.
What is addiction? How does it take hold to one's heart, soul, and or mind? Why, why do certain people get addicted to certain things?
People in my family had problems with drugs, an uncle and grandpa alcoholics, a father who's a workaholic, a sister who dealt with pain issues and took the pain out on her own body, there are sooo many addictions in this world, but why?
I ask you internet, what is it about that thrill that gets you hooked on this object.
I can say through my little addictions I have experienced in life, my biggest one is now loving unconditionally, and sometimes it can be the worst addiction ever...because I get hurt more than I want to.
Any who...getting off topic :-P. Although these addictions have paved a road in my life, and those that surround me, people learn to use the road to get to point A to point B, instead of ignoring it and going around it.
New things in life are always a good thing, but I ask you Internet- do NOT forget where you came from. The past may hurt to look back on, but if you didn't go through where ever you came from- you would not be the beautiful human beings you are now.
So I leave you with this to ponder Internet: Think about your most "negative" time in life, and look at where it brought you. Embrace these negatives, and like the boy or girls father said "ALWAYS SAVE THE NEGATIVES"
-Miss Optimistic
So inspiration is a beautiful thing. Whether it be a beautiful snowy day or just a word heard in passing. Inspiration is something found in many things: art, music, life, love, friendship, food, clothing, and everything else you can think of. Today I stumbled upon a book called "The 1000 Journals Project" by SOMEGUY.
It is a bunch of pages from different journals and they all come together to make this book of inspiring words, drawings, images, sayings, etc. There was one that really really stood out to me, so of course I decided to tell you all about it :-).
Four photo negatives, from a camera, spewed on the page with a simple strip of white with bright black letters saying, "MY FATHER SAID : ALWAYS SAVE THE NEGATIVES"
What a powerful message...and I wish I knew who wrote it, because I would give them props. People do say, live in the moment, forget the past but honestly, you can't. I believe I have stated in previous posts to live and don't take things for granted etc., to love each moment ladeeda, if not well I just did. But honestly, the "negatives" are what made you and the person you are today.
People always seem to remember the positives, but why forget the negatives when they are such a huge part of your life. All the negatives teach you what NOT to do, where all the positives teach you WHAT TO DO, and even vice versa too. It's sad though, because people are so easy to forget all the negatives, that they forget part of where they came from and who they are.
A lot of the negatives in my life have just been hurdles to get over. My family for instance has had numerous accounts of trying to fix and mend others, a lot of anger and emotion is sewn throughout my family, and looking back has only made me more wise. "Wisdom is the aging of the soul"- is a quote I kinda came up with today, and it's true.
My sisters have been my negative angels; trust me this is a good thing. Through their falls and stumbles, they have cleared the weeded path for me. Although some of the things they have done I have fallen prey too, they still love me and I love them no matter what. Addiction I the biggest negative in many peoples lives.
What is addiction? How does it take hold to one's heart, soul, and or mind? Why, why do certain people get addicted to certain things?
People in my family had problems with drugs, an uncle and grandpa alcoholics, a father who's a workaholic, a sister who dealt with pain issues and took the pain out on her own body, there are sooo many addictions in this world, but why?
I ask you internet, what is it about that thrill that gets you hooked on this object.
I can say through my little addictions I have experienced in life, my biggest one is now loving unconditionally, and sometimes it can be the worst addiction ever...because I get hurt more than I want to.
Any who...getting off topic :-P. Although these addictions have paved a road in my life, and those that surround me, people learn to use the road to get to point A to point B, instead of ignoring it and going around it.
New things in life are always a good thing, but I ask you Internet- do NOT forget where you came from. The past may hurt to look back on, but if you didn't go through where ever you came from- you would not be the beautiful human beings you are now.
So I leave you with this to ponder Internet: Think about your most "negative" time in life, and look at where it brought you. Embrace these negatives, and like the boy or girls father said "ALWAYS SAVE THE NEGATIVES"
-Miss Optimistic
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