Procrastination

Hello Internet:

While I procrastinate more on the paper I have due tomorrow...I figure it is time to get over my unwinding time.

I want to say that we all do get overwhelmed and have unexpected things happen in our lives, but I realized today that it is those that don't leave your side that make it easier.

"I wanted so badly somebody other than me.
Staring back at me bu you were gone.
I wanted to see you walking backwards,
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone."
-Time and Time Again: Counting Crows


I am listening to the song now, and the lyrics have given my body goose pimples. Surprisingly enough, I am someone that is easy to walk out on, and has been walked out on many times, and mostly by men. I can guarantee many of you have felt this as well. But I will say this- with every closed door and every back turned, although it may hurt at the time, each time we are walked out on we are taught something.

Taught to watch what we say, taught to not open up as much, taught to listen, taught to chase after someone, taught anything that deals with that certain situation. My father is a master of walking out on us, and what I have learned from it...is to be strong. To not rely on him for anything other than to support me in my decisions. Each closing door is a new layer of skin on my delicate body. Because, although I have had many closed doors in my past from him, regardless I can turn to him for help with an issue I'm having, an opinion, or support in my education and extra curriculars.

My mistake the other night was to take a man walking out on me in a negative way. I stayed up all night tossing and turning wondering how I had found yet another boy that can just easily walk away from me. But what I didn't realize, is he walked out because he cared. He walked out because that's what he thought I wanted.

Maybe that's why a lot of men do walk out on us. Because they can't sit there and watch us hurt and suffer when they don't know what to do. Maybe they just have this idea that the way they can help us is by putting on their coat, slipping on their shoes and twisting the door knob, with a quiet slam behind them.


We are all looking for someone who will stick things out with us regardless, but I know for a fact my father is numb to emotion. He doesn't know how to deal with it, nor does he want to know anymore. His life or past has taught him to close the door on emotion and adolescence.

So I guess what I am saying Internet is to not feel so bad when a door is closed. Like I told my friend who is dying to be an artist- every no and every denial should push you to keep going and push you to want that label even more. Like striving to be an artist- every closed door and every person that walks out on us should be our reason to keep going and keep showing people what they are walking out on. I know who I am- I am a young intelligent woman, I'm cute and understanding, I listen more than I speak, I love more than I hate, and am respectful and honest more than I probably should be. The way I live my life is hard to find in this society- so who would want to walk out on me?


Internet- I ask you to answer the same question. WHO ARE YOU? And what are the reasons why people wouldn't want to walk out on you. Then once you have those answers...you will know if you are walked out on...that person was a waste of your time, and to only keep pushing on.

-Miss Optimistic.