Struggles.

Hello Internet:

While I sit here just thinking and trying to figure out what the hell to even write about today, I thought of a close friend of mine. Sweetest girl you will ever meet, always smiling and or laughing, very smart, beautiful, and most importantly- a girl who knows what she wants; doesn't judge or discriminate, and is open to any opportunity that comes her way.

Unfortunately, one of her family members passed away this last weekend, and she had to go to the funeral. Hadn't seen her for a few days, and then today when I saw her- her life and happiness seemed to be burnt out. That glow in her eyes was dimmed and her smile was faded. All I can think about today is how much we all hurt. Today is kinda an add on from yesterday- meshes into more detail of my thoughts.

A few months ago, my friend wore a short sleeved shirt- and from previous experiences my natural tendency is to look at wrists; when I noticed a few red marks on her arm. I was torn in half. I am not sure how to talk to her about it nor do I know what to say. "Cutting" is such a hard subject to talk about, and I know the struggles and pains that come along with the addiction. A very very close person to me struggled with this for many years, so I know the fake smiles they have to paste on their face and the hurtful laughs they have to create to "appear" happy. A facade so beautiful, and the inside so dark and gloomy.

I refrain from getting into any more details, for the person I am talking about may not want me to, but I never really got how bad it was until she sent a picture of the cut she had recently done. Down her leg I believe it was, the crusted blood around the dark red line made my stomach turn and my heart sink.

How is it that naturally the most amazing and beautiful people, underneath tend to be hurting the most? They tend to be struggling the most.

But some others may get into this painful way of living to feel alive.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything seems like the movies,
Yea you bleed just to know your alive."
-Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

The song came on my Ipod earlier, and every time I hear those lyrics goose-bumps run up and down my body. But in a way the lyrics are so true. Underneath our thin skin, blood and movement: life is circling through us; these people in pain just want to know that they still are living, still are alive.

Internet: have you ever just felt like things aren't real. That everything in life seems too surreal that you "pinch yourself" to make sure it is? Imagine feeling this all the time.

Anyway, my intentions for this blog were to not be pessimistic, trust me, it is in my name to not be :-). My intentions are to bring light to the situation. The scars on my friends arm are a permanent memory of her struggles, they may keep her pressing on and moving. But, know there is always someone who knows how you feel, and there is always someone who is willing to listen. If you can't find anyone...I guarantee you I will. You listen to my rambles about my thoughts- why wouldn't I listen to the followers?

Struggles are something hard to overcome, and hard to get through alone.

Something I want you to ponder Internet: never give up- if life gets you down and you feel misled. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and let it go. Let all your worries and stresses flow out with your breath. Why should we waste this one life we are given?

To my friend, which I doubt will read this, I have been through your struggle, and have dealt with death, hell I have been dreaming about it all week. But know that there is always someone here, who wants to help and wants to see your beautiful smile. We are all unique in how we deal with things, so instead of being closed and lecturing people as to why they do something a certain way- ask WHY?!

Why do you hurt yourself? Why do you want this piercing? etc. Figure out what's going on in their heads, instead of judging- a wise woman told this to me.

Our life is about listening. So I tell you once again Internet, start listening.

-Miss Optimistic