Imagination.

Hello Internet:

So today I was looking in the mirror- and I realized...I seemed thinner than I had the last couple weeks. Do not think that I am calling myself fat or anything, because I am not insecure about my body- nor have I ever been. I have always been the tiny one...who instead of getting made fun of for being fat, was made fun of for being anorexic or bulimic, and I can tell you right now I am far from either!

The thing is...I did get a little insecure the last few weeks, and I don't know if that's because I had so much going on and was stressed and just wanted to lay in my bed all day, but instead was out running around all day with no rest in between, but ultimately, I would look in the mirror and just see this little pouch at the bottom of my stomach.

At first didn't think anything of it, didn't care. But then my mind started really running wild. I would look in the mirror and say I'm gaining weight (THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!!!!! to girls who are afraid to!) but finally today when I got out of the shower and just looked in the mirror I saw beauty. I just looked at my soul and beauty was pouring out of it.

I saw a video last night on "anti-hazing" in colleges, and I can tell you right now I can not remember the last time I have been so moved by a film. This boy at Boland College I think in Colorado was murdered because he was told to drink until he passed out basically. The brothers brought the pledges back to the house and this boy, Gordie...just layed on the couch, passed out. The boys then thought it would be funny to draw all over him with sharpie. One in specific saying "It sucks to be YOU!".

Gordie did not wake up that morning. In FACT! He was laying face down on the floor in his throw up for 10 hours before anyone called for help! The one boy they interviewed who I think was a brother of this frat, with tears welling in his eyes just said something along the lines of, "you know, it sucks having a friend like that and just knowing the last thing you did to them before they died was drawing on them with sharpie."

HOW SICK. After that film I texted all of the most important people in my life, because what I think we most often forget is to show these emotions: gratitude, love, passion, etc. I made sure to text my family, my boyfriend, and my closest friends who have impacted my life. The ones that have stood by me through whatever and I know will always be there.

I realized with that film that life is too short to worry about if I'm gaining weight or if my paper isn't "A" quality, because there is so much more to life. I do not want to live one minute of my life anymore with out the closest people around me knowing I love them unconditionally, and always will.

The point of all of this...is our imagination makes our mind run wild. I did a beautiful thing last night and touched about a dozen people's hearts and day, and today when I woke up finally well rested: looked in the mirror and although there is acne on my face and my nose has a bump on it, my feet are disgusting, my boobs are too small, my hair isn't the right color, I haven't plucked my eyebrows in weeks, I still managed to just look in the mirror and see beauty. None of that today matters.

Gratitude is the one thing I stress most in this blog, because with out being grateful for something, we don't know what we have.

So Internet: With this, I ask you to look in the mirror- what do you see? Anger, love, beauty, peace, broken heart- what is it that is inside of you that is making your days a little duller, a little brighter, a little harder? Find what that is...and instead of looking in the mirror and seeing sadness and anger- look in the mirror and start seeing beauty and peace- because we are all peacefully beautiful!

-Miss Optimistic

Shadows.

Hello Internet:

So as I am basking in this glorious sunny RARE day... I started thinking about how beautiful days are with a little bit of sun. Then- ran across this quote-

"False friends are like our shadow. Keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade." - Christian Nestell Bovee

And after reading, couldn't help but realize how true that quote is. We all have friends, but I can guarantee a lot of them are as Bovee says "false". We need to surround ourselves with positivity- because then life will wreak of happiness and positivity- what we all need.

Let go of the bad influences in your life...they will only drag you down and ruin you even more. For example:

I worked as a waitress at this restaurant. My sister used to work there and warned me: there are a lot of drugs at that place. I had quit smoking weed about a year before I started working there. I had this best friend, who was the worst influence on me ever. First being around her high all the time and her smoking around me didn't seem like a big deal, started smoking again. The friends I was hanging out with were "false" friends. Even me and her joked about it when I had to go back to get a little extra cash that we were just each others drug buddies if you will haha. (I am sorry to my family, when you read this.) Then, seeing pills being popped left and right and snorted left and right up in the bathrooms that didn't seem too bad either. By the end of the 8 months or so I had worked there...I had realized how awful this place was for me. I grew far from my mom and my family. Lost a lot of friends, and had people borrowing money from me to use on drugs and I never got it back. I was the restaurants little toy. I lost my "best false friend" I didn't want anything to do with these numbing drugs anymore. I wanted my old friends back and wanted my mom back most importantly. My dog, was the only thing that seemed real in my life. I walked around numb to everything, because I literally was. It was funny because I thought I was so strong and beyond all of that, but with the "false friends" around, was so blinded and didn't realize I was falling far into a hole I would never want to be in. I stopped loving myself yet again, and just turned to anything to fill this empty spot in my heart.

The best thing that happened to me was a hispanic man I worked with. My best friend. I was his "bebita" and he would've done anything for me. Unfortunately he went to jail for being drunk after a huge fight we got into, and is now back in Mexico. But he was a real friend. A shadow that followed me into the shade. He hated seeing me do what I was doing and when he went to jail I left the restaurant. That was my realization that the whole 6 months I had just lived through were a joke.

Do not let these people who pretend to care about you drag you down. We are all beautiful and all human, and we deserve the best. I will say that if I had not gone through the last year of my life, I would still not be as strong as I am now. I don't need drugs, nor do I even want them, a waste of my time and money. I spent enough numb moments to know how much better living sober is.

If you look to your friends and they are all false...reach to me. Comment,e-mail me.

optimisticvoice@yahoo.com.

Whatever you want I will listen respond, anything.

"I can be your sunny day
The one who keeps your troubles away
You're my one and only, and when you're feeling lonely
I can wipe the tears from your face."

-Good Love by The Last Goodnight.

On that note Internet: start looking at the people around you and make sure that you are happy and the people are "true" friends.

-Miss Optimistic

REALLY?!

Hello Internet:

So today I have been inspired to write twice.

I got a text from an old friend saying: "Hey you! Answer me this, why do things always happen in groups? Good or bad, things seem to occur round the same time."

My response: "Haha what do you mean? You mean like why is it when something good is going on; it seems everything is good at the time and vice versa?"

He says: "Yea long them lines. I told ya about this one girl at work, well now there's another girl interested too! Luckily, I only work with one of them... ;-)"

{note- some of these words have been changed due to language that I feel is disrespectful to women.}

So I ask you Internet....and excuse my language, because this type of thing really pisses me off... WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Seriously, I am so tired of people who take everything they have for granted- and they wonder why they are not happy! Every one wants and wants and wants more, but they never take a look at what they have!!!

Quotes from The Secret:
Marci Shimoff once said, "Gratitude is absolutely the way to bring more into your life."

James Ray once said, "Gratitude has been such a powerful exercise for me. Every morning I get up and say 'Thank you.' Every morning when my feet hit the floor, 'Thank you.' And then I start running through what I'm grateful for, as I'm brushing my teeth and doing the things I do in the morning. And I'm not just thinking about them and doing some rote routine. I'm putting it out there and I'm feeling the feelings of GRATITUDE."

So I ask you Internet- What are you grateful for?

I am grateful for my Mom. Without her I would not be the strong independent person I am today. Although we have had our arguments and disagreements, she has done nothing but guide me to where I should be. Ultimately, she would do anything for me, and vice versa. She has listened to me cry and bitch and complain about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and yet she still sits there and listens. Mom- if you read this, know that I thank you tremendously for everything you have done for me...I love you unconditionally and would be lost with out you. You are my sun on a cloudy day! And know if you ever need anything, since you have done so much for me- know I AM ALWAYS there for you...even if it may seem weird coming to me for things, I am here.

My sisters- They have done nothing but show me what to be, and of course.... (no offense) what not to be. Know that I love you both and as with Mom, would be lost without you. You have taught me more than I could know! What you may see as your flaws; I see as your strengths. You both are strong and beautiful and smart women, and even if I am rude and angry sometimes: know I give tough love and I just want to see both of you happy and successful.

My dad- I am thankful that you have taught me many things about life in the business world and life as a grown up. If anything our relationship has taught me to grow up quicker. Without having a father around emotionally of physically forced me to search with in myself and find that comfort of a father. Whether you read this or not, doesn't matter... you haven't gotten it before, so I don't think this will change your mind. I ask you Dad. What are you grateful for? I know that in some odd way of showing it, you do love us, and always will...but why do you only do things on your terms. Me and my sisters have been trying to get it through your head that all we wanted was a dad around...and that we love you. You are a part of all of us and would do anything for you, and we appreciate all that you do for us...but I ask, why isn't that enough? Sometimes I feel you take us for granted, but one day when one of us isn't there anymore...I think you will be very sad at what you missed out on.

MY DOG! I am so grateful for my dog. He is my everything and my best friend. I love him with every inch of love I can give.

My friends of course who have been there for me through whatever. Don't change- listen to people, and keep loving as you do. Be accepting and continue to grow. I'm glad you have been with me, I would not have made it without you through all of my past struggles.

Lastly, I am thankful for today, for the luxuries I have, my education, my travels, all of the unimportant things that we really don't need in life. I am thankful for every breathe, for every bite of food, for every sip of water.

I am thankful for my life and what I have to offer those that are around me.

So, Internet: now that I have opened up a bit and gone on a more personal level; which was not intended...take a look around at what you have.

Things happen, like I said in a few posts ago, NOTHING is permanent. Live for today, that's why they call it the "present" because every day is a gift.

Much love and Thanks
-Miss Optimistic.