Hello Internet-
I came across another quote today that made me think:
"Many people say I've changed, but the truth is I've just found myself."-Anonymous.
Recently, I was talking to one of my old good friends. He basically walked out of my life like my father has, and when he finally came back expected me to be all happy I guess. He seemed to remember the past 6 months or so very differently than I do. He told me something had happened and he needed time to figure things out. And all I wanted to do was be a friend to him and be there for him, so I'd text him almost every day, call him at least once every other week, and send him facebook messages- and in return would receive absolutely nothing. He claims all of these attempts to get in touch with him never even happened. HA! Then he continued to tell me why he didn't understand why I was upset. Maybe cause my best friend disappeared and ignored me like my father has done to me for the last 15 years. Actually! come to think of it- he makes my dad look AWESOME...cause at least my dad answers my emails a couple days later. Anyway- conversation went on about us trying to tell the other how the last 6 months went, and I realized...he was totally different, and not in a way that I liked. But I also realized, I had no say in who he was because we hadn't talked in half a year. Who knows if he had some life changing experience...a lot happens in 6 months.
Then I found this quote. Did he really even change? Maybe he just found the douche bag inside himself that he really is. So what happens to us? Do you think that we actually change- or maybe we just grow into who we were meant to be. I can't decide. Maybe it's both? I don't know. Comment your thoughts....I'm interested to see how others see take this quote/their ideas on it.
As always- much love,
-Miss Optimistic
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Letting Go...
Hello Internet-
So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.
May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.
The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?
And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.
Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?
The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.
So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!
But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.
No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.
But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.
When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.
Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.
And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?
It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.
USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.
-Miss Optimistic
So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.
May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.
The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?
And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.
Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?
The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.
So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!
But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.
No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.
But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.
When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.
Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.
And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?
It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.
USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, February 6, 2010
"You just know"
Hello Internet:
So, a little saying that I have been hearing from a lot of girls lately is, "you just know", and what is funny about it- is I did. After being pushed and pushed by someone...I just knew I wasn't meant to be there and be doing what I had been doing.
It's funny how we get so caught up in things, that we almost forget why we didn't want to do them in the first place. For so long I just wanted this one thing in my life that I have felt was missing; I have been wrong. I just realized it had been there all along. I have never had many friends that were girls, but I also neglected the fact, that my best girlfriends were there the whole time. My sisters and my mom. Maybe I'm not the girl that knows every ones business, and not the one that wears pearls around her neck, nor do I feel I need to be drunk to have fun.
I don't know everybody that lives in the city I live in, nor do I want to. I forgot why I had hated my high school years so much and why I was dying to get out of them. I may be speaking for myself, but ultimately I think a lot of people can agree with me. It isn't about HOW many people you know, it's about the people that you DO know. Look at your closest friends- whether it be one, three, or 10. How well do you know them and vice versa. And today, I realized I have the best fucking friends ever.
It may not be who society has built them up to be, but ultimately at the end of the day, they are always there. My rocks, I cry they cry, they hurt I hurt. We are all our own people and we all want different things, but honestly, I got so wrapped up in something I didn't even really want in the first place, I forgot where my home was.
So internet: I leave you with this. Are your friends your friends? Or, do you just like the idea that girls or guys in society are supposed to have 1000 contacts in their phone or always know someone where ever they go.
We shouldn't have to be "chosen" to be someone's friend it should just happen. So don't force yourself into doing something because "society" sees it as "normal" do something because YOU want to...because if you don't do what you want to do...you will not be the person you were meant to be.
-Miss Optimistic
So, a little saying that I have been hearing from a lot of girls lately is, "you just know", and what is funny about it- is I did. After being pushed and pushed by someone...I just knew I wasn't meant to be there and be doing what I had been doing.
It's funny how we get so caught up in things, that we almost forget why we didn't want to do them in the first place. For so long I just wanted this one thing in my life that I have felt was missing; I have been wrong. I just realized it had been there all along. I have never had many friends that were girls, but I also neglected the fact, that my best girlfriends were there the whole time. My sisters and my mom. Maybe I'm not the girl that knows every ones business, and not the one that wears pearls around her neck, nor do I feel I need to be drunk to have fun.
I don't know everybody that lives in the city I live in, nor do I want to. I forgot why I had hated my high school years so much and why I was dying to get out of them. I may be speaking for myself, but ultimately I think a lot of people can agree with me. It isn't about HOW many people you know, it's about the people that you DO know. Look at your closest friends- whether it be one, three, or 10. How well do you know them and vice versa. And today, I realized I have the best fucking friends ever.
It may not be who society has built them up to be, but ultimately at the end of the day, they are always there. My rocks, I cry they cry, they hurt I hurt. We are all our own people and we all want different things, but honestly, I got so wrapped up in something I didn't even really want in the first place, I forgot where my home was.
So internet: I leave you with this. Are your friends your friends? Or, do you just like the idea that girls or guys in society are supposed to have 1000 contacts in their phone or always know someone where ever they go.
We shouldn't have to be "chosen" to be someone's friend it should just happen. So don't force yourself into doing something because "society" sees it as "normal" do something because YOU want to...because if you don't do what you want to do...you will not be the person you were meant to be.
-Miss Optimistic
Friday, January 29, 2010
REALLY?!
Hello Internet:
So today I have been inspired to write twice.
I got a text from an old friend saying: "Hey you! Answer me this, why do things always happen in groups? Good or bad, things seem to occur round the same time."
My response: "Haha what do you mean? You mean like why is it when something good is going on; it seems everything is good at the time and vice versa?"
He says: "Yea long them lines. I told ya about this one girl at work, well now there's another girl interested too! Luckily, I only work with one of them... ;-)"
{note- some of these words have been changed due to language that I feel is disrespectful to women.}
So I ask you Internet....and excuse my language, because this type of thing really pisses me off... WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
Seriously, I am so tired of people who take everything they have for granted- and they wonder why they are not happy! Every one wants and wants and wants more, but they never take a look at what they have!!!
Quotes from The Secret:
Marci Shimoff once said, "Gratitude is absolutely the way to bring more into your life."
James Ray once said, "Gratitude has been such a powerful exercise for me. Every morning I get up and say 'Thank you.' Every morning when my feet hit the floor, 'Thank you.' And then I start running through what I'm grateful for, as I'm brushing my teeth and doing the things I do in the morning. And I'm not just thinking about them and doing some rote routine. I'm putting it out there and I'm feeling the feelings of GRATITUDE."
So I ask you Internet- What are you grateful for?
I am grateful for my Mom. Without her I would not be the strong independent person I am today. Although we have had our arguments and disagreements, she has done nothing but guide me to where I should be. Ultimately, she would do anything for me, and vice versa. She has listened to me cry and bitch and complain about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and yet she still sits there and listens. Mom- if you read this, know that I thank you tremendously for everything you have done for me...I love you unconditionally and would be lost with out you. You are my sun on a cloudy day! And know if you ever need anything, since you have done so much for me- know I AM ALWAYS there for you...even if it may seem weird coming to me for things, I am here.
My sisters- They have done nothing but show me what to be, and of course.... (no offense) what not to be. Know that I love you both and as with Mom, would be lost without you. You have taught me more than I could know! What you may see as your flaws; I see as your strengths. You both are strong and beautiful and smart women, and even if I am rude and angry sometimes: know I give tough love and I just want to see both of you happy and successful.
My dad- I am thankful that you have taught me many things about life in the business world and life as a grown up. If anything our relationship has taught me to grow up quicker. Without having a father around emotionally of physically forced me to search with in myself and find that comfort of a father. Whether you read this or not, doesn't matter... you haven't gotten it before, so I don't think this will change your mind. I ask you Dad. What are you grateful for? I know that in some odd way of showing it, you do love us, and always will...but why do you only do things on your terms. Me and my sisters have been trying to get it through your head that all we wanted was a dad around...and that we love you. You are a part of all of us and would do anything for you, and we appreciate all that you do for us...but I ask, why isn't that enough? Sometimes I feel you take us for granted, but one day when one of us isn't there anymore...I think you will be very sad at what you missed out on.
MY DOG! I am so grateful for my dog. He is my everything and my best friend. I love him with every inch of love I can give.
My friends of course who have been there for me through whatever. Don't change- listen to people, and keep loving as you do. Be accepting and continue to grow. I'm glad you have been with me, I would not have made it without you through all of my past struggles.
Lastly, I am thankful for today, for the luxuries I have, my education, my travels, all of the unimportant things that we really don't need in life. I am thankful for every breathe, for every bite of food, for every sip of water.
I am thankful for my life and what I have to offer those that are around me.
So, Internet: now that I have opened up a bit and gone on a more personal level; which was not intended...take a look around at what you have.
Things happen, like I said in a few posts ago, NOTHING is permanent. Live for today, that's why they call it the "present" because every day is a gift.
Much love and Thanks
-Miss Optimistic.
So today I have been inspired to write twice.
I got a text from an old friend saying: "Hey you! Answer me this, why do things always happen in groups? Good or bad, things seem to occur round the same time."
My response: "Haha what do you mean? You mean like why is it when something good is going on; it seems everything is good at the time and vice versa?"
He says: "Yea long them lines. I told ya about this one girl at work, well now there's another girl interested too! Luckily, I only work with one of them... ;-)"
{note- some of these words have been changed due to language that I feel is disrespectful to women.}
So I ask you Internet....and excuse my language, because this type of thing really pisses me off... WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
Seriously, I am so tired of people who take everything they have for granted- and they wonder why they are not happy! Every one wants and wants and wants more, but they never take a look at what they have!!!
Quotes from The Secret:
Marci Shimoff once said, "Gratitude is absolutely the way to bring more into your life."
James Ray once said, "Gratitude has been such a powerful exercise for me. Every morning I get up and say 'Thank you.' Every morning when my feet hit the floor, 'Thank you.' And then I start running through what I'm grateful for, as I'm brushing my teeth and doing the things I do in the morning. And I'm not just thinking about them and doing some rote routine. I'm putting it out there and I'm feeling the feelings of GRATITUDE."
So I ask you Internet- What are you grateful for?
I am grateful for my Mom. Without her I would not be the strong independent person I am today. Although we have had our arguments and disagreements, she has done nothing but guide me to where I should be. Ultimately, she would do anything for me, and vice versa. She has listened to me cry and bitch and complain about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and yet she still sits there and listens. Mom- if you read this, know that I thank you tremendously for everything you have done for me...I love you unconditionally and would be lost with out you. You are my sun on a cloudy day! And know if you ever need anything, since you have done so much for me- know I AM ALWAYS there for you...even if it may seem weird coming to me for things, I am here.
My sisters- They have done nothing but show me what to be, and of course.... (no offense) what not to be. Know that I love you both and as with Mom, would be lost without you. You have taught me more than I could know! What you may see as your flaws; I see as your strengths. You both are strong and beautiful and smart women, and even if I am rude and angry sometimes: know I give tough love and I just want to see both of you happy and successful.
My dad- I am thankful that you have taught me many things about life in the business world and life as a grown up. If anything our relationship has taught me to grow up quicker. Without having a father around emotionally of physically forced me to search with in myself and find that comfort of a father. Whether you read this or not, doesn't matter... you haven't gotten it before, so I don't think this will change your mind. I ask you Dad. What are you grateful for? I know that in some odd way of showing it, you do love us, and always will...but why do you only do things on your terms. Me and my sisters have been trying to get it through your head that all we wanted was a dad around...and that we love you. You are a part of all of us and would do anything for you, and we appreciate all that you do for us...but I ask, why isn't that enough? Sometimes I feel you take us for granted, but one day when one of us isn't there anymore...I think you will be very sad at what you missed out on.
MY DOG! I am so grateful for my dog. He is my everything and my best friend. I love him with every inch of love I can give.
My friends of course who have been there for me through whatever. Don't change- listen to people, and keep loving as you do. Be accepting and continue to grow. I'm glad you have been with me, I would not have made it without you through all of my past struggles.
Lastly, I am thankful for today, for the luxuries I have, my education, my travels, all of the unimportant things that we really don't need in life. I am thankful for every breathe, for every bite of food, for every sip of water.
I am thankful for my life and what I have to offer those that are around me.
So, Internet: now that I have opened up a bit and gone on a more personal level; which was not intended...take a look around at what you have.
Things happen, like I said in a few posts ago, NOTHING is permanent. Live for today, that's why they call it the "present" because every day is a gift.
Much love and Thanks
-Miss Optimistic.
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