Letting Go...

Hello Internet-

So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.

May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.

The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?

And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.

Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?

The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.

So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!

But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.

No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.

But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.

When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.

Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.

And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?

It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.

USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.

-Miss Optimistic