Oh Insomnia

Hello Internet-

A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.

But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.

I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!

I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?

We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.

But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?

-Miss Optimistic