Hello Internet-
So, while I say my farewells and bags are packed- it has sunk in. I leave tomorrow morning for Ecuador. Scared shitless but yet SO excited! With that- tonight will be my last post/lesson until about July 10th.
What to say- opinions. We all have them all, but how do we use them? Normally when we have opinions we tend to get passionate about them. We tend to get an attitude because we want people to see things from how we see them. We have been taught that wrong is bad, so our opinions should be right.
"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron says, "cultivating nonaggression is cultivating peace." Why do we get so defensive when someone attacks our ideals, morals, or opinions? I mean we all think differently therefore we all have different opinions, so what is wrong with that? Like Pema says, "we have a lot of opinions, and we tend to take them as truth. But actually they aren't truth. They are just our opinions. We have a lot of emotional backup for these opinions. They are often judgmental or critical; they're sometimes about how nice or perfect something is."
But let's keep in mind...
"Opinions are opinions, nothing more or less. We can begin to notice them, and we can begin to label them as opinions, just as we label thoughts as thoughts. Just by this simple exercise we are introduced to the notion of egolessness. All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are."
So, I ask you Internet- what is so important about these opinions that we hold on to them so dearly? Why can't we all just be open to other people's ideas, and possibly adapt ours to theirs.
There is a lot in this world that we are unaware of- and if we hear other opinions- another door may be opened that we never saw before. Facts is something we learn in school- but what we need to realize, is these opinions or thoughts are what we learn from experience. From taking those facts and applying them to life- that is how we form our opinions.
AND- Since I have said in previous posts, everyone experiences things differently, everyone will hold different ideas, but what is wrong with that? Think about it: the more opinions we are exposed to the more we grow as a human being- there is NOTHING wrong with that.
On that note- think about this quote- "I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and to think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love." From The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.
The point of that quote is open your mind. Do not be so closed off to others opinions, because you will open up new insights, new understandings, and new love. And if you don't believe me Internet- once I opened up my mind and started listening to other people's thoughts, I ended up with an amazing man, I found new understandings, new insights, and like I just said new love.
So- if those are the things you are looking for, than what are you waiting for?
-Miss Optimistic
P.S.- I hope everyone has a great month! I will be back before you know it :-)
Showing posts with label When things fall apart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label When things fall apart. Show all posts
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Most Difficult Times
Hello Internet-
Sorry it has been a while, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's home. Not only have I fallen in love with him, but I am in love with his family too. HA! But anywho, I leave for Ecuador in 4 days and am very nervous. I am scared to leave for the month, but can not wait to grow and experience things. I guess we will see how it all unveils.
But- for the my thoughts of today.
"The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness. It's as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hours, months, or years." - From "When Things Fall Apart".
We are so caught up in running around and trying to finish and complete all these tasks we forget to just relax. We build these emotions and thoughts in our heads to become more than what they are.
"Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away."
The weird thing about humans is we build drama, and then we run from it. So, how does that make sense? We want the ugly and we want the disease as Lady Gaga says in her song Bad Romance, but then we don't want to actually deal with it.
But why Internet? Why can't we just leave what is as it is? It's like- we always need something to be going on. Great. I am soooo glad that shitty T.V. has taught us that drama should always be going on, but when we think about it- drama is EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! It stresses me out, I can't focus, I'm emotional- how is that some one I'd want to be...oh yea, it's not.
"Like the tides of the sea, like day and night--this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds--this is the core of maturity."
We need to stop creating things that aren't there. I have made many mistakes in over exaggerating situations. For example, my boyfriend tells me umm I dunno 3 months after the actual situation happened that he lied and actually met up with his ex over spring break. UMM WHAT?!- was my initial reaction. My mind went straight to my dad- he's gonna leave me just like every other man in my life. He's gonna find something better, well my dad found work not some one else but...when I think about it- the guys in my life never really left me...I pushed them away. I made a huge deal out of something stupid.
Then of course, for a while when he went out I would kinda question him- oh who'd you go with? Did you really go to the movies with your parents? Our minds are non-stop- they never slow down!
So Internet- that is my challenge to you. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the details in life, enjoy the man or woman that is by your side. Don't create more than you need in your life. If he hasn't called he doesn't want to talk. Take another day to yourself and just reflect. Go for a walk- breathe in the sweet summer air, look at the beautiful colors summer has given Earth, and feel the gravel; dirt; concrete; and/or grass under your feet. You have five senses- use them.
-Miss Optimistic
Sorry it has been a while, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's home. Not only have I fallen in love with him, but I am in love with his family too. HA! But anywho, I leave for Ecuador in 4 days and am very nervous. I am scared to leave for the month, but can not wait to grow and experience things. I guess we will see how it all unveils.
But- for the my thoughts of today.
"The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness. It's as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hours, months, or years." - From "When Things Fall Apart".
We are so caught up in running around and trying to finish and complete all these tasks we forget to just relax. We build these emotions and thoughts in our heads to become more than what they are.
"Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away."
The weird thing about humans is we build drama, and then we run from it. So, how does that make sense? We want the ugly and we want the disease as Lady Gaga says in her song Bad Romance, but then we don't want to actually deal with it.
But why Internet? Why can't we just leave what is as it is? It's like- we always need something to be going on. Great. I am soooo glad that shitty T.V. has taught us that drama should always be going on, but when we think about it- drama is EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! It stresses me out, I can't focus, I'm emotional- how is that some one I'd want to be...oh yea, it's not.
"Like the tides of the sea, like day and night--this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds--this is the core of maturity."
We need to stop creating things that aren't there. I have made many mistakes in over exaggerating situations. For example, my boyfriend tells me umm I dunno 3 months after the actual situation happened that he lied and actually met up with his ex over spring break. UMM WHAT?!- was my initial reaction. My mind went straight to my dad- he's gonna leave me just like every other man in my life. He's gonna find something better, well my dad found work not some one else but...when I think about it- the guys in my life never really left me...I pushed them away. I made a huge deal out of something stupid.
Then of course, for a while when he went out I would kinda question him- oh who'd you go with? Did you really go to the movies with your parents? Our minds are non-stop- they never slow down!
So Internet- that is my challenge to you. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the details in life, enjoy the man or woman that is by your side. Don't create more than you need in your life. If he hasn't called he doesn't want to talk. Take another day to yourself and just reflect. Go for a walk- breathe in the sweet summer air, look at the beautiful colors summer has given Earth, and feel the gravel; dirt; concrete; and/or grass under your feet. You have five senses- use them.
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Oh Insomnia
Hello Internet-
A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.
But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.
I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!
I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?
We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.
But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?
-Miss Optimistic
A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.
But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.
I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!
I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?
We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.
But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?
-Miss Optimistic
Friday, April 16, 2010
This book.
Hello Internet-
So I have been hidden in a book lately. "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I think I have talked about it before, but lately I have actually had time to read more than 10 pages. I recommend people read it. The thing she stresses is how life isn't over when we feel it is.
"We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that's death in every day life. Death in everyday life could also be defined as experiencing all the things that we don't want...When we have reminders of death, we panic. But whatever our style is, it's not simple. It's not bare bones."(pg 43-44)
One of my close friends' grandfather passed away from cancer this past week. We live to die, we all know this. Yet we fear the idea of death. The idea of things ending. I don't get why we fear it so much, because with every death comes life. When the day ends, tomorrow is a new one; when the second ends, there are more to follow; when we breathe out, we breathe in shortly after. That's life in everyday life.
The thing about Death is, we fear it because no one shines the light on such an optimistic topic. Death is the only way we get something new. We have a bad day, tomorrow will be better. With each death comes life, and THAT is everyday life.
So Internet- when we start seeing death in our lives, think about the life that comes from them.
-Miss Optimistic
So I have been hidden in a book lately. "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I think I have talked about it before, but lately I have actually had time to read more than 10 pages. I recommend people read it. The thing she stresses is how life isn't over when we feel it is.
"We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that's death in every day life. Death in everyday life could also be defined as experiencing all the things that we don't want...When we have reminders of death, we panic. But whatever our style is, it's not simple. It's not bare bones."(pg 43-44)
One of my close friends' grandfather passed away from cancer this past week. We live to die, we all know this. Yet we fear the idea of death. The idea of things ending. I don't get why we fear it so much, because with every death comes life. When the day ends, tomorrow is a new one; when the second ends, there are more to follow; when we breathe out, we breathe in shortly after. That's life in everyday life.
The thing about Death is, we fear it because no one shines the light on such an optimistic topic. Death is the only way we get something new. We have a bad day, tomorrow will be better. With each death comes life, and THAT is everyday life.
So Internet- when we start seeing death in our lives, think about the life that comes from them.
-Miss Optimistic
Thursday, March 18, 2010
YOU are your own best friend?
Hello Internet:
My sister gave me this book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. Because I was so busy for a while I never got the chance to pick it up and dive in, until this week. Her second chapter jogged me back to last year, when I read "The Secret" and realized, we need to stop worrying so much about other people- and worry about ourselves.
"A teacher visited during this time, and I remember her saying to me, 'When you have made good friends with yourself, your situation will be more friendly too.' I had learned this lesson before, and I knew that it was the only way to go. I used to have a sign pinned up on my wall that read: 'Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.' Somehow, even before I heard the Buddhist teachings, I knew that this was the spirit of true awakening. It was all about letting go of everything. Nevertheless, when the bottom falls out and we can't find anything to grasp, it hurts a lot. It's like the Naropa Institute motto: 'Love of the truth puts you on the spot.' We might have some romantic view of what that means, but when we are nailed with the truth, we suffer. We look in the bathroom mirror, and there we are with our pimples, our aging face, our lack of kindness, our aggression and timidity-- all that stuff."
It's funny when you read this- it's all like yea yea yea tell me something I don't know. But I tell you Internet: Read it again and again, until you feel what she is saying here.
She is telling you yes- it hurts to hit the bottom, she is telling you yes- honesty may be painful, and she is telling us yes- we should be easy-going and just let things go.
But beyond all of that, she is saying look at yourself. Look at who you are and where you came from. Your falls, your strengths, your weaknesses, everything. You can not befriend someone and love someone if you don't love yourself. And when I read this passage, I think I realized why I never really had a boyfriend, nor have I ever felt this thing people call "love". Throughout middle school and high school I suffered more than I ever wanted to. Cutting, weed, backstabbing bitches, lies, people using me, it all just added up into me not loving myself. Every little thing someone did to me, I would look in the mirror and it was like I kept getting uglier and darker.
But, it took me getting hurt the most and having to stand up on my own, and learn to love myself that makes me so loving and open today. As I have talked about in previous posts, the one person who stood by me through everything decided he needed his own space, which I gave, and he didn't think I would have given. A few nights I would call my mom crying, telling her this or that that I just was so upset blah blah blah. And then I remembered the Secret. I remembered how it's not about others- it is about this beautiful creature looking back at me in the mirror.
"When one door closes, another opens." I closed a door to my past, and opened a door to my future. You know it's funny. I came home for break and went back to the unstable environment that got me into drugs and more hatred towards myself, but this time it was different. This time I was "good friends with myself." And each day I went there, each day that went by, and each day that goes by I love myself more and more.
And when I think about it that way, because of the love I give myself, I have opened myself up to an amazing man. My walls are down, and I love every minute of it. I love how he makes me feel, and I love who I am when I am around him. I have never had this before, because I have never loved myself before.
So Internet: What I am trying to say is, although I preach to love and be open to others- you first need to open up to yourself and love yourself. Because without you there will be no story, and there will be no reason. Your life is all you have, and will always have. Live for each day, and remember there should be at least someone who does love you- yourself.
-Miss Optimistic
My sister gave me this book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. Because I was so busy for a while I never got the chance to pick it up and dive in, until this week. Her second chapter jogged me back to last year, when I read "The Secret" and realized, we need to stop worrying so much about other people- and worry about ourselves.
"A teacher visited during this time, and I remember her saying to me, 'When you have made good friends with yourself, your situation will be more friendly too.' I had learned this lesson before, and I knew that it was the only way to go. I used to have a sign pinned up on my wall that read: 'Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.' Somehow, even before I heard the Buddhist teachings, I knew that this was the spirit of true awakening. It was all about letting go of everything. Nevertheless, when the bottom falls out and we can't find anything to grasp, it hurts a lot. It's like the Naropa Institute motto: 'Love of the truth puts you on the spot.' We might have some romantic view of what that means, but when we are nailed with the truth, we suffer. We look in the bathroom mirror, and there we are with our pimples, our aging face, our lack of kindness, our aggression and timidity-- all that stuff."
It's funny when you read this- it's all like yea yea yea tell me something I don't know. But I tell you Internet: Read it again and again, until you feel what she is saying here.
She is telling you yes- it hurts to hit the bottom, she is telling you yes- honesty may be painful, and she is telling us yes- we should be easy-going and just let things go.
But beyond all of that, she is saying look at yourself. Look at who you are and where you came from. Your falls, your strengths, your weaknesses, everything. You can not befriend someone and love someone if you don't love yourself. And when I read this passage, I think I realized why I never really had a boyfriend, nor have I ever felt this thing people call "love". Throughout middle school and high school I suffered more than I ever wanted to. Cutting, weed, backstabbing bitches, lies, people using me, it all just added up into me not loving myself. Every little thing someone did to me, I would look in the mirror and it was like I kept getting uglier and darker.
But, it took me getting hurt the most and having to stand up on my own, and learn to love myself that makes me so loving and open today. As I have talked about in previous posts, the one person who stood by me through everything decided he needed his own space, which I gave, and he didn't think I would have given. A few nights I would call my mom crying, telling her this or that that I just was so upset blah blah blah. And then I remembered the Secret. I remembered how it's not about others- it is about this beautiful creature looking back at me in the mirror.
"When one door closes, another opens." I closed a door to my past, and opened a door to my future. You know it's funny. I came home for break and went back to the unstable environment that got me into drugs and more hatred towards myself, but this time it was different. This time I was "good friends with myself." And each day I went there, each day that went by, and each day that goes by I love myself more and more.
And when I think about it that way, because of the love I give myself, I have opened myself up to an amazing man. My walls are down, and I love every minute of it. I love how he makes me feel, and I love who I am when I am around him. I have never had this before, because I have never loved myself before.
So Internet: What I am trying to say is, although I preach to love and be open to others- you first need to open up to yourself and love yourself. Because without you there will be no story, and there will be no reason. Your life is all you have, and will always have. Live for each day, and remember there should be at least someone who does love you- yourself.
-Miss Optimistic
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