Oh Insomnia

Hello Internet-

A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.

But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.

I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!

I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?

We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.

But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?

-Miss Optimistic

Friendship

Hello Internet:

So today I learned a valuable lesson. Friendship, although it may be hard at times, is one of the most powerful amazing connections two people can have. Friends can make your day better or worse in a minute.

What I learned, is we only should be there for a few, not them all. It is impossible to be there for EVERYONE. I got coffee with an old friend today, and as he kept talking about the second time his father had locked him in the crazy house, I realized- holding my cold coffee, water dripping off my fingertips, how stupid I was. I knew this was going to happen. I KNEW he would sit here and talk to me about ALL the bull shit that has happened to him in the last year.

But as I looked into his green eyes, they were searching mine. They were looking for any type of help, and I could feel it. I have never felt more uncomfortable. I have no answers for someone on 5 different meds, and he doesn't even know what he's taking, because his dad tells him to take them or he's going back to the loony bin. Then, it hit me- it was about this time of year he had told me years ago when he goes a little crazy. And I thought about it, it was about this time of year, last year, his dad put him in that hospital. This time of year, 16 years ago, his mom put a gun to her head and shot herself. How could a mother do that to her children? Don't answer that.

So, me being the one that is always trying to help, I brought it up. All he said was, "I don't need to think about that stuff anymore." And doubt and darkness filled his eyes. You could see it, it filled the whole coffee shop. I told him, "You can't live by just blocking every thing out!" And he goes, "I am living. I am doing what I can to make it. I don't think about yesterday- I think about today, and what could happen tomorrow."

And still my heart felt iced over. It felt like I was in a bad trip or something. His eyes were pouring all his pain into my soul, and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know how to get out of the conversation...scrambling for anything- I pulled out my last resource, my cell phone. OOF COURSE! "Mom needs me to run errands. We should do this again sometime!" WHAT!?!?!? I don't want to do it again!!! I don't ever want to feel that coldness and I don't want to see that aching pain and yearning for answers that I saw in the far back of his eyes.

I walked to my car, and realized....I am not here to help everyone. The last time I focused on everyone else but myself, I got into habits I was warned about. Habits I was told were bad, and yet something drew me to them. Every one else's pain made me turn to something I swore I never would. And I felt that today. I can't keep making my same mistakes and falling into old habits. I knew as I opened the car door and sat down on the hot black leather, that was my last time seeing him. I knew I was not the therapist anymore- I was just a friend who will help a friend out every now and then.

And of course every now and then came within a few hours. My best friend is upset because basically her boyfriend is a pussy and afraid of confrontation and she can be passive and doesn't want to upset him- because she loves him.

What a handful of "slkfjosiejflskdjfosifjslkdfjwofj!!!!!!!!!" in one day! hahaha. Anywho- I will tell you right now. NEVER EVER EVER PUT OFF YOUR FEELINGS TO NOT UPSET SOMEONE ELSE. It will only build, and things will only get worse. AND SECONDLY! DO NOT EVER BE A PUSSY AND RUN FROM FEELINGS AND CONFRONTATION. It will get you no where but alone.

Of course I sugar coated that to her...but she listened, and now everything is back to normal :-).

I realized today Internet, we have to pick our battles. We can't help everyone. We have to take it one day at a time, but keep in mind- WE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT.

-Miss Optimistic

Answers.

Hello Internet-

So as I have stated in many previous posts- we should just let things go as they are and see what comes our way. But often times we find ourselves searching for answers and trying to figure out what we should do.

There comes a time when we keep telling ourselves things and we have the answers to things, but what happens if we don't have the answers? Who can we turn to? And I ask you Internet- what happens when you are the one people turn to? How can we find those answers we so desperately are in need of, if WE are the ones that hold all the answers?

Maybe, those answers we long for so much are what is making us upset. But when you feel you have no one to turn to- we must admit... It hurts. How do you get someone to understand EXACTLY what your feeling, when you don't even know how you are feeling yourself. And in that case, how are we getting the right "answers" if we aren't even explaining the right way.

Confusion and thought are our worst friends. We think and pick things a part until there is nothing left, and then we are left with doubt, unsure feelings, and of course...confusion.

So I tell you Internet- I have searched for enough answers to know that there are no REAL answers. We have to just live...


-Miss Semi-Optimistic

Letting Go...

Hello Internet-

So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.

May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.

The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?

And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.

Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?

The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.

So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!

But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.

No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.

But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.

When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.

Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.

And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?

It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.

USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.

-Miss Optimistic

The End of the Beginning

Hello Internet-

So, today starts the end of a new beginning. A summer of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, and fun; and the end of a school year of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, fun, and arguments.

I have talked in previous posts about how we fear the end of things. How we worry about death and see it as bad, but the end of a school year means the beginning of a new one. The beginning of new adventures.

My summer IS SLAMMMMMM PACKED :-) and I cannot wait to begin it. For a while I will be in another country volunteering, and then traveling around, so for about a month there will be no Optimistic Voice, but I promise, when I return there will be plenty to share and tell you about!

AND! With the summer and not an extreme amount of work- I have time to read, to learn, and to experience. Which means, more posts for you to read, to learn, and to experience :-).

We all experience things differently; we take away different thoughts and perspectives from the same situations. Enjoy the end of a year, the work-day, the end of a day! What the hell am I saying?! Kick back, it's a Monday. Relax, grab a beer or a glass of wine and just take one for yourself.

I challenge you Internet- Look at what you have to day and basque in all you have! Appreciate it, and don't take it for granted. You never know what's to come.

-Miss Optimistic

Realization

Hello Internet:

So today I realized how to actually use this ridiculous site. HAHA!! I just realized I have had a few people commenting on my posts, and I had NO IDEA!

Now that I figured out how to use this thing, I will be posting/talking about comments people post. IF any are posted from here on out- also if people e-mail, instead of responding, I will use your situation (anonymous of course) and give you your answer here.

optimisticvoice@yahoo.com

SO! on, February 7, 2010 Will said....

I like that line "Talking is like crying wolf; you keep talking, people stop listening." I'll probably use it too :) My line is "You have 2 ears and 1 mouth because you are to listen twice as much as you are to speak"

What wise words. When you think about it this is so true. We have two ears to hear all around us, and one mouth to talk one way.

But, if we think about it, how many people really feel this way? How many people listen more than they talk? From the people I know- not many. I think I will touch on this a bit more.

Internet- how often do you listen? How often do you talk? Do you talk more than you listen or vice-versa? I challenge you, use your two ears, and use less of your mouth. You will learn more by listening.

I told my boyfriend last night, "I can't teach you if you don't want to learn."
If you are not willing to listen, don't listen. But you will be missing out on amazing words, thoughts, and ideas.

Think about it, or maybe listen more. It's funny I think the reason why I get so frustrated with people, and dislike people so easily is because I actually listen. I listen to the stupid pointless things they say. He said this, she did that, omg?! did you hear about her?! What is the point? Why focus on other people's lives- clearly you have little to no life of your own if that is what you are doing.

Open your mind, ears, and close your mouth Internet.

Learn something today.

-Miss Optimistic

Thinking

Dear Internet-

Today I ask you for advice. If you feel you have something worthy of saying- email me:

optimisticvoice@yahoo.com

I told a girl a few weeks ago, don't think about the could have beens, it only brings darkness and pain. I never think about them, because I am grateful for what I have not what I could have had.

But the last few days, all I can do is think about the could have beens. The "what ifs" we surround our lives with. What if this happened instead of that?

And why do we do this to ourselves anyway? Think about what we could have, when we have great things as it is. A good life, good boyfriend, good family, pretty good grades (they would be good to other people), good school, good friends, good pretty much everything. Yet I am sitting here not being able to study for a part of one of my exams tomorrow because I am stuck thinking about the could have beens.

How can we go about ignoring what we don't have? How can we accomplish just appreciating all the beautiful things that we do have? Why worry? Why ponder about the things that you don't have, because if you had them you would deserve them, or maybe it's not time for you to have them? I don't know.

But I ask you Internet, when you think, what do you think about? Why do you think about it? Does it give you joy, sadness, make you reminisce? What is it about these thoughts that take over our minds and make us next to immobile.

It's just one of those days Internet.

...What to do?

-Miss semi-Optimistic

High Schoolers.

Hello Internet-

I have been stuck in an odd situation. I don't really know what to do, nor do I know how to explain how stupid people can be.

First of all, I graduated high school a semester early to get away from the stupid drama, fights, and immaturity of the people I was suffocated by. So excited to start over, I am now finding people take a lot longer to change then me. A 20 year old friend I swear is acting like she's in maybe 9th grade. I mean, Seriously?


The problem with her is, she has all these insecurities, but because she is so insecure denies there is anything wrong with her to everyone else. Puts on this mask and walks around like her shit don't stink, and then when someone calls her out on it- it's their fault (aka me.)

A great girl, A LOT a head of her, if she just woke up and smelled the roses. Some how her insecurities and her being a shitty friend lately, aka ignoring me when I was in a bathroom with her for 15 minutes talking with the people she was with and she didn't say a word to me. I said hi and she said nothing. Then I wake up to a text message the next morning asking me if I was there. Seriously?!

Haven't talked to her all last week then texts me to put in a good word for her to my friend. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! I almost died. I do not do anything for people who I don't think deserve it. A friend I will do anything for- and when I say anything I mean anything.

So conversation goes on, and somehow it all turns around on me (typical) and because I have a boyfriend and talk to him about mine and her conversations it is my fault. Well this makes sense.

I don't understand Internet. I mean, I know I think differently than a lot of people, act different, am more mature than a lot of people my age- but seriously?!

How stupid can people really be?! How the fuck is this my fault because I talk to my boyfriend?! I mean, agree with me or not- but that just seems like she's more fucked up in the head than she leads on. More insecurities than she wants me to see. But, I'm not blind.

My point of this post Internet, is similar to last. Don't get stuck in the petty high school shit. If you are in high school, enjoy it while your there, if you are in college- WAKE UP! You are in college. That is a chapter behind you; you don't need the gossip and the petty stupid bull shit. If you are out of college; I hope you have grown and learned enough to realize high school is way way way past you!

I have been listening to this song Hands by Jewel lately-


"If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be that we're all OK. And not to worry, cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these." - Jewel

And that's what I want you to think about. Why Worry? What does worrying do to us Internet? It ruins us, gives us insecurities, and takes away the beautiful people inside of us. If you are worrying, try to just let it slip away. If not, there is always a way to vent it out and get it away.

optimisticvoice@yahoo.com

-Miss Optimistic

Figure it out on your own

Hello Internet-

So, I'm not even sure if anyone is even really reading this other than my followers- but like I said in my very first post, it is not about who is following or who is reading this, it is about getting my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs for other people to see; if they chose to do so.

I learned a lesson yesterday. I mean, I learn lessons every day, that's life, but I learned a valuable one I already knew. When something is going wrong you can't have someone else tell you that it's not right, you need to see that it is wrong in order to correctly fix it.

Do not be blind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has that one person that has that magical power over us. That magical power could possibly start blinding us to the life you started, make things gray and fuzzy again. That power so strong you can't deny it. What I realized, is that powers can be over come.

We need to realize that old habits are old habits. You can't change or be different if you are always falling into bad habits. For example. An alcoholic- always an alcoholic, hence why they can't drink ever again once they go sober.

An ex is always going to be an ex. If you shared some sort of bond with them it will always come back. But I will tell you now, do not let someone else ruin what you have in your life. If it is good- keep it, if it's bad get rid of it.

Internet, I know you are smart. Just be aware of your surroundings. Be aware of what makes you happy. Be aware of what you are doing wrong or right. It isn't a bad thing if you are doing things wrong- you are just being human.

So Internet- Last thing I want to say to you, figure your flaws out on your own. Don't let people tell you who you are or who you aren't. Secondly, find that love within yourself. If you don't love yourself you won't be able to let people in to love you as well.

Have a wonderful day everyone,
-Miss Optimistic

Don't be a Whiner!

http://www.eaglestalent.com/videos.asp?s=1833&v=1&vt=1srq

Watch this video.

Don't be a complainer, be a problem solver.

-Miss Optimistic

The "R" Factor.

Hello Internet:

Today started out good. Slept in late, almost missed my first class, yet again :-). But for some reason I forced myself out of bed, and made myself get to class. Sit through class, had a quiz, leave early, go talk to another teacher about material on our test on Monday, go to Starbucks.

As I'm waiting in the ridiculously long line at the coffee shop, I was texting (no surprise there). A man to my right goes, "I guess it's the thing to do: text in line?"

Confused at the small talk he was trying to make I replied, "Excuse me?" Really I just didn't hear him. So, he repeated himself. Then goes into detail are you a student here? What's your major? I replied. Then I asked what he was doing here, visiting?

This man replies, no I work with a management company and am giving a speech at your school today.

(my eyes widen...considering my plan in college is to dual major in management. HELLO!!!! RED FLAG WAVING!! PAY ATTENTION!)

So as I ask more about what he's going to be talking about we get into this 30 minute conversation about life pretty much. I mean he was talking about his "business" and the theories he has with his business, but all awhile it all intertwined with the book I talk so highly about The Secret.

So anyway, he explains to me: Three men can go through the same experience. One man can go through it and lose sight of who he is. Get defeated by the tragedy that just happened. The loss in his business if you will. Another man may go through the same experience and not be moved by it. The business stays consistent. The third man goes through the same experience and thrives from this tragedy. Learns from it and makes his business successful.

(Sounds to me like he's talking about not just business but life.)

So we get to the line, order drinks, etc. While we wait I had to ask.

"Have you ever read this book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne?"

His response:

"I always read. I have read everything, but my only problem with The Secret, is I don't think it's about the law of attraction and wanting things to come to you. I think it's about the person being effective, and being aware of their life. (HOLY SHIT THIS MAN UNDERSTANDS MY MIND!!!!- is what was going through my mind.) It's funny because a lot of people are just oblivious to their flaws, their strengths, what their doing in their life; they just don't realize who they are. The thing is, is people try to criticize, to help, and people see it as bad and get defensive. If people accepted the criticism and were more aware and effective with how they ran their life people would be much happier and successful. When I was talking before about the situation and the three men, there are always going to be negatives and positives in our lives. It's how we maneuver around all these obstacles that make us either a successful person or a not successful person."


The man is so right. By the way, his name I later found out is Tim Kight. Check out his website- may be some useful information.

www.focus3.biz

And, he also told me about this book he's coming out with called- you guessed it.

"The R Factor"

LOOK FOR IT ON BOOK SHELVES I PROMISE YOU THIS MAN KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT!


But think about it, we always are looking at the negative things, and not the positives in the situation. Like I have talked about death before, so did he. He said people need to start using that as a way to better themselves. Basically, see the optimistic side to things.

After the long chit chat, He says: "Maybe our paths will cross again".


NOW!! If I have learned anything from The Secret, is that things happen for a reason. Whether you attract them to yourself or not.

I was supposed to have that conversation, and supposed to be at starbucks and be late to help a friend for that reason. Life works in funny ways Internet.

Start looking at how things are kinda just handed to you. Start paying attention to the little things, because BIG things could happen from them.

Enjoy the day Internet...I am :-)

-Miss Optimistic

This book.

Hello Internet-
So I have been hidden in a book lately. "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I think I have talked about it before, but lately I have actually had time to read more than 10 pages. I recommend people read it. The thing she stresses is how life isn't over when we feel it is.

"We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that's death in every day life. Death in everyday life could also be defined as experiencing all the things that we don't want...When we have reminders of death, we panic. But whatever our style is, it's not simple. It's not bare bones."(pg 43-44)

One of my close friends' grandfather passed away from cancer this past week. We live to die, we all know this. Yet we fear the idea of death. The idea of things ending. I don't get why we fear it so much, because with every death comes life. When the day ends, tomorrow is a new one; when the second ends, there are more to follow; when we breathe out, we breathe in shortly after. That's life in everyday life.

The thing about Death is, we fear it because no one shines the light on such an optimistic topic. Death is the only way we get something new. We have a bad day, tomorrow will be better. With each death comes life, and THAT is everyday life.

So Internet- when we start seeing death in our lives, think about the life that comes from them.

-Miss Optimistic

Is the fight worth it?

Hello Internet-

I ask you maybe again, maybe for the first time, to look around. Look at the boy sitting all by himself with his head hidden in a book. Look at the pretty girls who you always see together and only with them, never with anyone else. Look at the multicultural people who work together and help each other, and pretty much only each other. Most importantly, look at yourself, and where you fit into society.

I told someone today, my generation pisses me off. The thing about my generation is we are so inconsiderate, disrespectful, and just rude. We rarely hold doors for other people, we spread out at a table so no one else can sit there, we use derogatory terms, and most importantly have lost that old fashioned respect we have for one another.

I understand that I am one of very few who think the way I do, and barely anyone in my generation has these irritations and dislikes for how they act. They don't even care to be honest. They don't even pay attention to how people talk to each other, act with each other, etc.

I have come a very far way from who I was. I am very optimistic, hence my name, and open to everything. It is very hard to be around pessimistic energies when I used to be so negative about everything, and now rarely see the bad side to things. I have this problem of having way too high of expectations. For friends, boyfriends, coworkers, really everyone. I don't think that people in my life should be perfect, because we all have flaws, but I don't see how it is so hard that when you care about or love something why you wouldn't want to respect them, be considerate, understand, and try to make them grow.

The way I see life: when it is pouring, the sun is still shining through, when it's thundering there is always sunshine at the end of the storm, and when it's shining you couldn't have more beauty surrounding us.

I understand people will see that when it's pouring it is pouring, that when it's thundering it is thundering, and when the sun shining it is just sunny out. I understand people are not as optimistic and loving as I am, but I don't see why people wouldn't want to live their life in peace and love as much as they can.

The only time I argue, is if someone argues with me (I get defensive), or if I am passionate about something. IF Internet, you are passionate about something, why would you not want to fight for it? Why do you think they have groups against the war, same sex marriages and relationships, race, religion, etc. Because our country is based off of freedom. Where we have the right of speech, and we can voice our opinions.

I was told the other night "It's funny cause when a guy sleeps with 10 girls that's like kinda cool, but when you hear that from a girl, when she's slept with 10 guys, it just like I don't know." I want to know why, for a guy it is their "right" to feel they have to be more masculine, why they HAVE to be the one teaching, why they are supposed to be respected more than the woman. Where in our fucked up society has all of this bull shit become acceptable? Our country has fought so hard for equal rights and still discrimination, sexism, etc. continue today.

So I ask you Internet- Was the fight worth it? Were all the wars, the arguments, the debates worth where we are today? What bothers you about our society today? Or am I just over exaggerating?

After reading this...look around again, look at the multicultural group of kids that are ALWAYS helping each other regardless of if they just met or are old friends, look at the girls who just don't get it and still think cliques are cool, look at the lonely boy who doesn't want to deal with the bull shit our society has handed us. And again, lastly look at yourself. Where do you fit in Internet? Where are you in society? Are you with me in thinking that people need to stop being so stupid and realize that peace and love is the only way to live a happy life. Or are you the type of person who just writes everyone off and is negative? Either way is not wrong...just think.

-Miss Optimistic

Never Know.

Hello Internet-

So today is a blah day. BEAUTIFUL out, but hot as hell. Why so blah? It's funny, life has a way of giving you things you weren't expecting. Something so perfect and so strong could in the blink of an eye break and seem so flawed. But isn't that the point? For life to give you this great thing and then pull it away?

It's kinda funny though, it's like life is constantly telling us to keep a look out, and to never feel too comfortable. Because life is ALWAYS changing. And I know I have talked about this in previous posts, but today that is all I can think about. The moment we get too comfortable, everything switches and then it doesn't feel comfortable anymore.

Ultimately, it'll all be okay, and we should know that. It always ends up being okay anyway. It's like that quote I hear a lot too "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

So Internet, I think I just need to enjoy the sun, enjoy my day, and remember- life goes on.

-Miss Optimistic

Horoscope...

Hello Internet:

It's been a while, huh?

I woke up this morning, back hurting, stomach sore, tired, and confused. I have an application on my iphone for horoscopes, and decided to read it.

"People are apt to be as stubborn as you in their thinking today, Scorpio. This could be a recipe for disaster if you aren't careful. Open the floodgates a bit wider and take in more of the opinions of others. Don't automatically assume that other people have to conform to your viewpoint to resolve an issue. More than likely, there needs to be some give and take from all involved."

I had to laugh, how much more coincidental can you get. But in all seriousness, not just because my boyfriend and I tend to have different thoughts...and are both stubborn and one may forget about the other or be inconsiderate or what have you. That's normal.

The thing is, I'm not trying to bash him at all, just saying think about it. We expect people to change and form to "our lifestyles" but never think about forming to anyone else's. I don't mean to brag, but I have changed quite a bit in the fact that I will drop what I'm doing for my boyfriend, and sometimes I feel the favors are not returned. But, it's not just him.

Last night I went and celebrated a Sedar, no I'm not Jewish, not Catholic, not really anything, I was raised to believe whatever I thought. This amazing girl I met read this poem about her mother. How she just wished her mom could see and feel what she does, massage therapy. That her mom could understand what she does for people, and the power that her hands give people. I was talking to her after and was like I have never been more moved by something, and it just made so much sense.

Later on in the evening, we were all talking about how people just don't give a shit anymore. And think about it, when will people drop what they are doing for you? Rarely right. Mostly family will. I told the people in the room, something like...

"It comes with maturity. Immaturity is when you only think about yourself and when someone needs you you can't do it cause you are worrying about yourself. MATURITY is thinking about yourself and putting yourself first, but the moment someone around you needs you or shows some sign of vulnerability, realizes they need to put themselves aside for the moment. Maturity is realizing you are important, but you are not the only one living."

It's funny lately I have been having these pains in my stomach...and my friend asked how long has it been going on? I say on and off about 2-3 weeks. My boyfriend says, " this week has been the first time I have ever heard her complain about it."

But here is the thing, yes, I may be getting sharp stabbing pains in the middle of my abdomen, but when it's once or twice it's fine I'll get over it. I don't need to complain about it, because there are people suffering much worse on the inside then me. When it continues for a while, and I feel like I can't walk, and am in EXCRUCIATING pain, that is the time I bring it up.

The point of this post Internet, is realize the people around you. I challenge you to grow as a person; put yourself first, but realize there are other people around you. If someone you care about looks upset or in pain, you can drop yourself for a minute.

Open your eyes half way. The half closed is that wall for yourself. That strength you show others you have. And the open half is the vulnerability you have to others. Embrace people when they need someone, and put your shoulder down when your ego is too high for them to reach.

Love every ray of sunshine that comes your way.

-Miss Optimistic.