Hello Internet-
So, as I have been struggling through the last week home, I have realized how terribly boring it is. And because I'm bored- I find myself doing the same thing...watching TV almost all the time. And what is TV doing for me? Abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING!
When you start thinking about it- although I am grateful for the computer I am writing this with, the internet that is in my home, and the technology we have...it is slowly ruining us. While in Ecuador, and not even being able to watch a TV 99 percent of the time- I spent my free time writing in a journal and reading. Now, I am back, and technology took it's place once again. Last night I at least read myself to sleep instead of watching TV. And that's what I want to do get out of most technologies and rely on what is there and in my hand.
I have been home alone for the last 4 days though, which I think has something to do with it...because I normally don't watch TV all that much anyway. But, tink about it Internet...how much time do you waste using technology, when you could be doing something else?? Can you cut that time- try to do something else?
And that is my challenge to you Internet- try limiting the use of technology and if you can eliminate some of them, and not only will you be helping yourself, but the environment as well.
-Miss Optimistic
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
A little quote to think about
Hello Internet-
Dare to look foolish. The real fools are those who never attempt anything. Dare to make mistakes. They are the best teachers you will ever know. Dare to take action. There`s a risk you may fail, yet if you take no action, failure is certainty. Dare to be fully alive. Dare to speak your mind. Dare to enjoy the beauty of the world. Dare to make a difference. Dare to love. Dare to be the person you know you can be. Dare to expect the best. With your words & actions, you`ll usually get it. Dare to do what`s right rather than what`s convenient & expedient. It will truly make a difference in the way you see yourself, & the way others see you. You`re here, with this magnificent day available to you. Dare to make it the best you can.
this says it all :-)
-Miss Optimistic
Dare to look foolish. The real fools are those who never attempt anything. Dare to make mistakes. They are the best teachers you will ever know. Dare to take action. There`s a risk you may fail, yet if you take no action, failure is certainty. Dare to be fully alive. Dare to speak your mind. Dare to enjoy the beauty of the world. Dare to make a difference. Dare to love. Dare to be the person you know you can be. Dare to expect the best. With your words & actions, you`ll usually get it. Dare to do what`s right rather than what`s convenient & expedient. It will truly make a difference in the way you see yourself, & the way others see you. You`re here, with this magnificent day available to you. Dare to make it the best you can.
this says it all :-)
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Our Own Worst Enemies
Hello Internet-
I am home from Ecuador, and have never been happier! :-) A short post today for you to think about.
While I was brushing my teeth I started looking back on my trip, and I realized...we always are way too hard on ourselves. We always over think situations and we always try to figure out what other people are thinking. But 99% of the time, we are wrong.
For the last five weeks I felt that these few girls honestly did not like me, until my plane ride home, when I read the short letters they wrote in the back of my journal. Not only had I been wrong the whole time, but they only were trying to take me under their wings and show me things they had learned; which I was too stubborn and ignorant to understand.
So my point Internet, is a. don't try to think you know what others are thinking, because most of the time, you don't know. and b. let go. Stop being so hard on yourself because it only ruins opportunities in the end.
We have only one life, so live it.
- Miss Optimistic
I am home from Ecuador, and have never been happier! :-) A short post today for you to think about.
While I was brushing my teeth I started looking back on my trip, and I realized...we always are way too hard on ourselves. We always over think situations and we always try to figure out what other people are thinking. But 99% of the time, we are wrong.
For the last five weeks I felt that these few girls honestly did not like me, until my plane ride home, when I read the short letters they wrote in the back of my journal. Not only had I been wrong the whole time, but they only were trying to take me under their wings and show me things they had learned; which I was too stubborn and ignorant to understand.
So my point Internet, is a. don't try to think you know what others are thinking, because most of the time, you don't know. and b. let go. Stop being so hard on yourself because it only ruins opportunities in the end.
We have only one life, so live it.
- Miss Optimistic
Friday, July 2, 2010
What A Waste!
Hello Internet- (from ecuador :-D )
I hope summer/ break/ whatever you hve been doing for the last 3 weeks has been good, and hopefully some of the things I've written about you have had time to maybe apply them, or even just read them.
I have learned so much here in the last few weeks, and I have one more week left to keep on experiencing and learning. I must say, the biggest lesson I have learned here which is why I'm taking time to tell you! I think it's very important and something our society constantly neglects. We are wasting and contaminating our earth every day. Look at the things you buy. When I started learning about consumerism I was like yea whatever... And then... I realizes. Make-up. All that make up all of us girls buy- there is more packaging and plastic to hold the damn shit then there is actual product. You know, plastic never turns into compost, once it's made it's always here. And to make it we are burning deathly chemicals in the air; some people put it in fires to burn it awY, but that only puts more chemicals in the air.
I'm not telling you to stop buying things, because we all need things, just be smart. I am not going to use make up when I go home. Probably to go out or for special occasions I will, but I'm onl wasting a. my money and b. ruining the environment.
When I first got here I couldn't believethe pollution. People here just don't know any better, so they throw their plastc bags, bottles, cans, glass, anything on the side of the road. It's sad to see how poorly people take care of their community. And what does that do for us Internet? If our surroundings are poor and gross, then our moods probably aren't as good as they could be.
One thing I noticed about myself here, is I always hid behind a mask: my make up. But goig 3 weeks without it, I can actually start seeing the beauty my boyfriend tells me I have with out it. These industries make us believe we need to cover up and buy all this shit, when we don't even NEED half of it!
I will post again soon, just something to think about :-)
- Miss Optimistic
I hope summer/ break/ whatever you hve been doing for the last 3 weeks has been good, and hopefully some of the things I've written about you have had time to maybe apply them, or even just read them.
I have learned so much here in the last few weeks, and I have one more week left to keep on experiencing and learning. I must say, the biggest lesson I have learned here which is why I'm taking time to tell you! I think it's very important and something our society constantly neglects. We are wasting and contaminating our earth every day. Look at the things you buy. When I started learning about consumerism I was like yea whatever... And then... I realizes. Make-up. All that make up all of us girls buy- there is more packaging and plastic to hold the damn shit then there is actual product. You know, plastic never turns into compost, once it's made it's always here. And to make it we are burning deathly chemicals in the air; some people put it in fires to burn it awY, but that only puts more chemicals in the air.
I'm not telling you to stop buying things, because we all need things, just be smart. I am not going to use make up when I go home. Probably to go out or for special occasions I will, but I'm onl wasting a. my money and b. ruining the environment.
When I first got here I couldn't believethe pollution. People here just don't know any better, so they throw their plastc bags, bottles, cans, glass, anything on the side of the road. It's sad to see how poorly people take care of their community. And what does that do for us Internet? If our surroundings are poor and gross, then our moods probably aren't as good as they could be.
One thing I noticed about myself here, is I always hid behind a mask: my make up. But goig 3 weeks without it, I can actually start seeing the beauty my boyfriend tells me I have with out it. These industries make us believe we need to cover up and buy all this shit, when we don't even NEED half of it!
I will post again soon, just something to think about :-)
- Miss Optimistic
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The Last Post....for a while :-)
Hello Internet-
So, while I say my farewells and bags are packed- it has sunk in. I leave tomorrow morning for Ecuador. Scared shitless but yet SO excited! With that- tonight will be my last post/lesson until about July 10th.
What to say- opinions. We all have them all, but how do we use them? Normally when we have opinions we tend to get passionate about them. We tend to get an attitude because we want people to see things from how we see them. We have been taught that wrong is bad, so our opinions should be right.
"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron says, "cultivating nonaggression is cultivating peace." Why do we get so defensive when someone attacks our ideals, morals, or opinions? I mean we all think differently therefore we all have different opinions, so what is wrong with that? Like Pema says, "we have a lot of opinions, and we tend to take them as truth. But actually they aren't truth. They are just our opinions. We have a lot of emotional backup for these opinions. They are often judgmental or critical; they're sometimes about how nice or perfect something is."
But let's keep in mind...
"Opinions are opinions, nothing more or less. We can begin to notice them, and we can begin to label them as opinions, just as we label thoughts as thoughts. Just by this simple exercise we are introduced to the notion of egolessness. All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are."
So, I ask you Internet- what is so important about these opinions that we hold on to them so dearly? Why can't we all just be open to other people's ideas, and possibly adapt ours to theirs.
There is a lot in this world that we are unaware of- and if we hear other opinions- another door may be opened that we never saw before. Facts is something we learn in school- but what we need to realize, is these opinions or thoughts are what we learn from experience. From taking those facts and applying them to life- that is how we form our opinions.
AND- Since I have said in previous posts, everyone experiences things differently, everyone will hold different ideas, but what is wrong with that? Think about it: the more opinions we are exposed to the more we grow as a human being- there is NOTHING wrong with that.
On that note- think about this quote- "I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and to think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love." From The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.
The point of that quote is open your mind. Do not be so closed off to others opinions, because you will open up new insights, new understandings, and new love. And if you don't believe me Internet- once I opened up my mind and started listening to other people's thoughts, I ended up with an amazing man, I found new understandings, new insights, and like I just said new love.
So- if those are the things you are looking for, than what are you waiting for?
-Miss Optimistic
P.S.- I hope everyone has a great month! I will be back before you know it :-)
So, while I say my farewells and bags are packed- it has sunk in. I leave tomorrow morning for Ecuador. Scared shitless but yet SO excited! With that- tonight will be my last post/lesson until about July 10th.
What to say- opinions. We all have them all, but how do we use them? Normally when we have opinions we tend to get passionate about them. We tend to get an attitude because we want people to see things from how we see them. We have been taught that wrong is bad, so our opinions should be right.
"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron says, "cultivating nonaggression is cultivating peace." Why do we get so defensive when someone attacks our ideals, morals, or opinions? I mean we all think differently therefore we all have different opinions, so what is wrong with that? Like Pema says, "we have a lot of opinions, and we tend to take them as truth. But actually they aren't truth. They are just our opinions. We have a lot of emotional backup for these opinions. They are often judgmental or critical; they're sometimes about how nice or perfect something is."
But let's keep in mind...
"Opinions are opinions, nothing more or less. We can begin to notice them, and we can begin to label them as opinions, just as we label thoughts as thoughts. Just by this simple exercise we are introduced to the notion of egolessness. All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are."
So, I ask you Internet- what is so important about these opinions that we hold on to them so dearly? Why can't we all just be open to other people's ideas, and possibly adapt ours to theirs.
There is a lot in this world that we are unaware of- and if we hear other opinions- another door may be opened that we never saw before. Facts is something we learn in school- but what we need to realize, is these opinions or thoughts are what we learn from experience. From taking those facts and applying them to life- that is how we form our opinions.
AND- Since I have said in previous posts, everyone experiences things differently, everyone will hold different ideas, but what is wrong with that? Think about it: the more opinions we are exposed to the more we grow as a human being- there is NOTHING wrong with that.
On that note- think about this quote- "I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and to think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love." From The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.
The point of that quote is open your mind. Do not be so closed off to others opinions, because you will open up new insights, new understandings, and new love. And if you don't believe me Internet- once I opened up my mind and started listening to other people's thoughts, I ended up with an amazing man, I found new understandings, new insights, and like I just said new love.
So- if those are the things you are looking for, than what are you waiting for?
-Miss Optimistic
P.S.- I hope everyone has a great month! I will be back before you know it :-)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
From Forwarded Mesages
Hello Internet-
Came across another blog the other day and found some interesting advice from Forwarded Messages.
Things you can not take back:
1. The stone after the throw.
2. The word after it's said.
3. The occasion after the loss.
4. The time after it's gone.
Think about these four things. I will post again later on this evening.
-Miss Optimistic
Came across another blog the other day and found some interesting advice from Forwarded Messages.
Things you can not take back:
1. The stone after the throw.
2. The word after it's said.
3. The occasion after the loss.
4. The time after it's gone.
Think about these four things. I will post again later on this evening.
-Miss Optimistic
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Most Difficult Times
Hello Internet-
Sorry it has been a while, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's home. Not only have I fallen in love with him, but I am in love with his family too. HA! But anywho, I leave for Ecuador in 4 days and am very nervous. I am scared to leave for the month, but can not wait to grow and experience things. I guess we will see how it all unveils.
But- for the my thoughts of today.
"The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness. It's as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hours, months, or years." - From "When Things Fall Apart".
We are so caught up in running around and trying to finish and complete all these tasks we forget to just relax. We build these emotions and thoughts in our heads to become more than what they are.
"Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away."
The weird thing about humans is we build drama, and then we run from it. So, how does that make sense? We want the ugly and we want the disease as Lady Gaga says in her song Bad Romance, but then we don't want to actually deal with it.
But why Internet? Why can't we just leave what is as it is? It's like- we always need something to be going on. Great. I am soooo glad that shitty T.V. has taught us that drama should always be going on, but when we think about it- drama is EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! It stresses me out, I can't focus, I'm emotional- how is that some one I'd want to be...oh yea, it's not.
"Like the tides of the sea, like day and night--this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds--this is the core of maturity."
We need to stop creating things that aren't there. I have made many mistakes in over exaggerating situations. For example, my boyfriend tells me umm I dunno 3 months after the actual situation happened that he lied and actually met up with his ex over spring break. UMM WHAT?!- was my initial reaction. My mind went straight to my dad- he's gonna leave me just like every other man in my life. He's gonna find something better, well my dad found work not some one else but...when I think about it- the guys in my life never really left me...I pushed them away. I made a huge deal out of something stupid.
Then of course, for a while when he went out I would kinda question him- oh who'd you go with? Did you really go to the movies with your parents? Our minds are non-stop- they never slow down!
So Internet- that is my challenge to you. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the details in life, enjoy the man or woman that is by your side. Don't create more than you need in your life. If he hasn't called he doesn't want to talk. Take another day to yourself and just reflect. Go for a walk- breathe in the sweet summer air, look at the beautiful colors summer has given Earth, and feel the gravel; dirt; concrete; and/or grass under your feet. You have five senses- use them.
-Miss Optimistic
Sorry it has been a while, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's home. Not only have I fallen in love with him, but I am in love with his family too. HA! But anywho, I leave for Ecuador in 4 days and am very nervous. I am scared to leave for the month, but can not wait to grow and experience things. I guess we will see how it all unveils.
But- for the my thoughts of today.
"The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness. It's as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hours, months, or years." - From "When Things Fall Apart".
We are so caught up in running around and trying to finish and complete all these tasks we forget to just relax. We build these emotions and thoughts in our heads to become more than what they are.
"Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away."
The weird thing about humans is we build drama, and then we run from it. So, how does that make sense? We want the ugly and we want the disease as Lady Gaga says in her song Bad Romance, but then we don't want to actually deal with it.
But why Internet? Why can't we just leave what is as it is? It's like- we always need something to be going on. Great. I am soooo glad that shitty T.V. has taught us that drama should always be going on, but when we think about it- drama is EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! It stresses me out, I can't focus, I'm emotional- how is that some one I'd want to be...oh yea, it's not.
"Like the tides of the sea, like day and night--this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds--this is the core of maturity."
We need to stop creating things that aren't there. I have made many mistakes in over exaggerating situations. For example, my boyfriend tells me umm I dunno 3 months after the actual situation happened that he lied and actually met up with his ex over spring break. UMM WHAT?!- was my initial reaction. My mind went straight to my dad- he's gonna leave me just like every other man in my life. He's gonna find something better, well my dad found work not some one else but...when I think about it- the guys in my life never really left me...I pushed them away. I made a huge deal out of something stupid.
Then of course, for a while when he went out I would kinda question him- oh who'd you go with? Did you really go to the movies with your parents? Our minds are non-stop- they never slow down!
So Internet- that is my challenge to you. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the details in life, enjoy the man or woman that is by your side. Don't create more than you need in your life. If he hasn't called he doesn't want to talk. Take another day to yourself and just reflect. Go for a walk- breathe in the sweet summer air, look at the beautiful colors summer has given Earth, and feel the gravel; dirt; concrete; and/or grass under your feet. You have five senses- use them.
-Miss Optimistic
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Don't be one of them...
Hello Internet-
Looking back on life today, I realized I keep running into people that we should be warned to NEVER be like, to NEVER admire, and to NEVER respect.
The coward. One who runs. One who keeps secrets. The one who hides. The coward is someone we are constantly surrounded by. He or she is your everyday person who tricks you into believing they are someone else. And then, when you have the slightest inkling as to who they are, they run. You often have to ask yourself- how could someone be so ignorant and just run. The saying, "he's more of a man than you'll ever be". Eh, your typical coward...you just found out too late who they really were. So, I tell you Internet- be yourself. Do not hide behind mirages or masks...it's okay to be who you are- just own up to it. People will respect you more.
The asshole. OH MY FAVORITE!! :-) You see I tend to attract the asshole better for some reason. Maybe that's because that's all I've ever known. The asshole- is the one that makes you feel like dirt. The one who makes you feel like shit, when he's the shitty one. The asshole puts everyone around them down, because they can't bare to admit how terrible of people they really are. They criticize, manipulate, and scrutinize everyone they are surrounded by...when they are the ones who need the criticism and need to be revealed for who they really are...the asshole.
The sinner. We have all sinned, this is inevitable, but it is those who lurk and hide their sins that are "the sinner". They are the ones that sin almost everyday and hide it behind lies and masks. Why not just own up to what has been done. If I make a mistake with my boyfriend- I am damned sure to own up and apologize for being a stupid bitch. If he's being an ignorant asshole- he always apologizes. The sinner, is the one that is a stupid bitch or an ignorant asshole and yet still denies it. Maybe the sinner could be, the in denial one. Because after all, those who are down in the deepest of holes, are always the ones in denial. EXAMPLE- ADDICTS!!!! Cokeheads, heroin addicts, workaholics, shopoholics, alcoholics, any type of addiction, the first step to getting over it is admitting you have a problem.
And what do all of these WONDERFUL people have in common? They are all hiding. They are all putting on masks and pretending to be something they are not. Looking back on my past, after finding a silly sweatshirt...I have found that most men or women, if they are one of the above, they are all of the above.
DO NOT BE FOOLED, and DO NOT fall into these categories of people..they are not worth spending your time on. Look at yourself- and ask yourself Internet- am I who I want to be? Do I fall into any one of these categories? And if you do...how can you change that, because I know you are better than that.
-Miss Optimistic
Looking back on life today, I realized I keep running into people that we should be warned to NEVER be like, to NEVER admire, and to NEVER respect.
The coward. One who runs. One who keeps secrets. The one who hides. The coward is someone we are constantly surrounded by. He or she is your everyday person who tricks you into believing they are someone else. And then, when you have the slightest inkling as to who they are, they run. You often have to ask yourself- how could someone be so ignorant and just run. The saying, "he's more of a man than you'll ever be". Eh, your typical coward...you just found out too late who they really were. So, I tell you Internet- be yourself. Do not hide behind mirages or masks...it's okay to be who you are- just own up to it. People will respect you more.
The asshole. OH MY FAVORITE!! :-) You see I tend to attract the asshole better for some reason. Maybe that's because that's all I've ever known. The asshole- is the one that makes you feel like dirt. The one who makes you feel like shit, when he's the shitty one. The asshole puts everyone around them down, because they can't bare to admit how terrible of people they really are. They criticize, manipulate, and scrutinize everyone they are surrounded by...when they are the ones who need the criticism and need to be revealed for who they really are...the asshole.
The sinner. We have all sinned, this is inevitable, but it is those who lurk and hide their sins that are "the sinner". They are the ones that sin almost everyday and hide it behind lies and masks. Why not just own up to what has been done. If I make a mistake with my boyfriend- I am damned sure to own up and apologize for being a stupid bitch. If he's being an ignorant asshole- he always apologizes. The sinner, is the one that is a stupid bitch or an ignorant asshole and yet still denies it. Maybe the sinner could be, the in denial one. Because after all, those who are down in the deepest of holes, are always the ones in denial. EXAMPLE- ADDICTS!!!! Cokeheads, heroin addicts, workaholics, shopoholics, alcoholics, any type of addiction, the first step to getting over it is admitting you have a problem.
And what do all of these WONDERFUL people have in common? They are all hiding. They are all putting on masks and pretending to be something they are not. Looking back on my past, after finding a silly sweatshirt...I have found that most men or women, if they are one of the above, they are all of the above.
DO NOT BE FOOLED, and DO NOT fall into these categories of people..they are not worth spending your time on. Look at yourself- and ask yourself Internet- am I who I want to be? Do I fall into any one of these categories? And if you do...how can you change that, because I know you are better than that.
-Miss Optimistic
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Oh Insomnia
Hello Internet-
A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.
But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.
I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!
I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?
We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.
But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?
-Miss Optimistic
A rare occasion that I write more than once within a 12 hour span, but tonight just seemed a little different. As I lay in bed tossing and turning- it hit me. Staring at my white ceiling, I couldn't help but be over come with thoughts. And then I remembered what the book- "When Things Fall Apart" told me. Breathe in all the pain and exhale all the good. Breathe in the pain you feel, others feel, breathe it all in, and exhale the good not only for yourself but for everyone who is going through what you are going through.
But what exactly am I going through? Is the question racing my mind. How can one hour I be completely fine, and the next my mind can't settle and I feel like I have piranhas in my stomach. The dearly beloved friend- Anxiety, or so my sister says.
I read another book, and it tells me that Anxiety is caused by the controlling of our lives, by not just going with the flow and the knowledge that life always works out. And tonight, I believed it. Ever since about two months ago I was just living life, letting things happen as they came and just enjoying it...and then summer. When I realized summer was coming, and my trip to a foreign country with no forms of communication what so ever were coming- my mind started going bizurk!
I now lay in bed, awake, can't go to sleep before 3:30 anymore, and just wonder- is this all what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be?
We all have these days, those days we throw out everything we know and just want a girl day to ourselves. The ones that make us feel like complete and utter shit, but somehow at the end of them we feel better to have just let it all out. I think today...Saturday, not Friday :-), is one of those days. Although, I do have a game I am going to, so maybe that will just help keep my mind busy and my thoughts calm.
But until I go to sleep Internet, the thought on my mind is...if we are in any hands at all, who knows if they are "good", as they say?
-Miss Optimistic
Friday, May 21, 2010
Friendship
Hello Internet:
So today I learned a valuable lesson. Friendship, although it may be hard at times, is one of the most powerful amazing connections two people can have. Friends can make your day better or worse in a minute.
What I learned, is we only should be there for a few, not them all. It is impossible to be there for EVERYONE. I got coffee with an old friend today, and as he kept talking about the second time his father had locked him in the crazy house, I realized- holding my cold coffee, water dripping off my fingertips, how stupid I was. I knew this was going to happen. I KNEW he would sit here and talk to me about ALL the bull shit that has happened to him in the last year.
But as I looked into his green eyes, they were searching mine. They were looking for any type of help, and I could feel it. I have never felt more uncomfortable. I have no answers for someone on 5 different meds, and he doesn't even know what he's taking, because his dad tells him to take them or he's going back to the loony bin. Then, it hit me- it was about this time of year he had told me years ago when he goes a little crazy. And I thought about it, it was about this time of year, last year, his dad put him in that hospital. This time of year, 16 years ago, his mom put a gun to her head and shot herself. How could a mother do that to her children? Don't answer that.
So, me being the one that is always trying to help, I brought it up. All he said was, "I don't need to think about that stuff anymore." And doubt and darkness filled his eyes. You could see it, it filled the whole coffee shop. I told him, "You can't live by just blocking every thing out!" And he goes, "I am living. I am doing what I can to make it. I don't think about yesterday- I think about today, and what could happen tomorrow."
And still my heart felt iced over. It felt like I was in a bad trip or something. His eyes were pouring all his pain into my soul, and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know how to get out of the conversation...scrambling for anything- I pulled out my last resource, my cell phone. OOF COURSE! "Mom needs me to run errands. We should do this again sometime!" WHAT!?!?!? I don't want to do it again!!! I don't ever want to feel that coldness and I don't want to see that aching pain and yearning for answers that I saw in the far back of his eyes.
I walked to my car, and realized....I am not here to help everyone. The last time I focused on everyone else but myself, I got into habits I was warned about. Habits I was told were bad, and yet something drew me to them. Every one else's pain made me turn to something I swore I never would. And I felt that today. I can't keep making my same mistakes and falling into old habits. I knew as I opened the car door and sat down on the hot black leather, that was my last time seeing him. I knew I was not the therapist anymore- I was just a friend who will help a friend out every now and then.
And of course every now and then came within a few hours. My best friend is upset because basically her boyfriend is a pussy and afraid of confrontation and she can be passive and doesn't want to upset him- because she loves him.
What a handful of "slkfjosiejflskdjfosifjslkdfjwofj!!!!!!!!!" in one day! hahaha. Anywho- I will tell you right now. NEVER EVER EVER PUT OFF YOUR FEELINGS TO NOT UPSET SOMEONE ELSE. It will only build, and things will only get worse. AND SECONDLY! DO NOT EVER BE A PUSSY AND RUN FROM FEELINGS AND CONFRONTATION. It will get you no where but alone.
Of course I sugar coated that to her...but she listened, and now everything is back to normal :-).
I realized today Internet, we have to pick our battles. We can't help everyone. We have to take it one day at a time, but keep in mind- WE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT.
-Miss Optimistic
So today I learned a valuable lesson. Friendship, although it may be hard at times, is one of the most powerful amazing connections two people can have. Friends can make your day better or worse in a minute.
What I learned, is we only should be there for a few, not them all. It is impossible to be there for EVERYONE. I got coffee with an old friend today, and as he kept talking about the second time his father had locked him in the crazy house, I realized- holding my cold coffee, water dripping off my fingertips, how stupid I was. I knew this was going to happen. I KNEW he would sit here and talk to me about ALL the bull shit that has happened to him in the last year.
But as I looked into his green eyes, they were searching mine. They were looking for any type of help, and I could feel it. I have never felt more uncomfortable. I have no answers for someone on 5 different meds, and he doesn't even know what he's taking, because his dad tells him to take them or he's going back to the loony bin. Then, it hit me- it was about this time of year he had told me years ago when he goes a little crazy. And I thought about it, it was about this time of year, last year, his dad put him in that hospital. This time of year, 16 years ago, his mom put a gun to her head and shot herself. How could a mother do that to her children? Don't answer that.
So, me being the one that is always trying to help, I brought it up. All he said was, "I don't need to think about that stuff anymore." And doubt and darkness filled his eyes. You could see it, it filled the whole coffee shop. I told him, "You can't live by just blocking every thing out!" And he goes, "I am living. I am doing what I can to make it. I don't think about yesterday- I think about today, and what could happen tomorrow."
And still my heart felt iced over. It felt like I was in a bad trip or something. His eyes were pouring all his pain into my soul, and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know how to get out of the conversation...scrambling for anything- I pulled out my last resource, my cell phone. OOF COURSE! "Mom needs me to run errands. We should do this again sometime!" WHAT!?!?!? I don't want to do it again!!! I don't ever want to feel that coldness and I don't want to see that aching pain and yearning for answers that I saw in the far back of his eyes.
I walked to my car, and realized....I am not here to help everyone. The last time I focused on everyone else but myself, I got into habits I was warned about. Habits I was told were bad, and yet something drew me to them. Every one else's pain made me turn to something I swore I never would. And I felt that today. I can't keep making my same mistakes and falling into old habits. I knew as I opened the car door and sat down on the hot black leather, that was my last time seeing him. I knew I was not the therapist anymore- I was just a friend who will help a friend out every now and then.
And of course every now and then came within a few hours. My best friend is upset because basically her boyfriend is a pussy and afraid of confrontation and she can be passive and doesn't want to upset him- because she loves him.
What a handful of "slkfjosiejflskdjfosifjslkdfjwofj!!!!!!!!!" in one day! hahaha. Anywho- I will tell you right now. NEVER EVER EVER PUT OFF YOUR FEELINGS TO NOT UPSET SOMEONE ELSE. It will only build, and things will only get worse. AND SECONDLY! DO NOT EVER BE A PUSSY AND RUN FROM FEELINGS AND CONFRONTATION. It will get you no where but alone.
Of course I sugar coated that to her...but she listened, and now everything is back to normal :-).
I realized today Internet, we have to pick our battles. We can't help everyone. We have to take it one day at a time, but keep in mind- WE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT.
-Miss Optimistic
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Answers.
Hello Internet-
So as I have stated in many previous posts- we should just let things go as they are and see what comes our way. But often times we find ourselves searching for answers and trying to figure out what we should do.
There comes a time when we keep telling ourselves things and we have the answers to things, but what happens if we don't have the answers? Who can we turn to? And I ask you Internet- what happens when you are the one people turn to? How can we find those answers we so desperately are in need of, if WE are the ones that hold all the answers?
Maybe, those answers we long for so much are what is making us upset. But when you feel you have no one to turn to- we must admit... It hurts. How do you get someone to understand EXACTLY what your feeling, when you don't even know how you are feeling yourself. And in that case, how are we getting the right "answers" if we aren't even explaining the right way.
Confusion and thought are our worst friends. We think and pick things a part until there is nothing left, and then we are left with doubt, unsure feelings, and of course...confusion.
So I tell you Internet- I have searched for enough answers to know that there are no REAL answers. We have to just live...
-Miss Semi-Optimistic
So as I have stated in many previous posts- we should just let things go as they are and see what comes our way. But often times we find ourselves searching for answers and trying to figure out what we should do.
There comes a time when we keep telling ourselves things and we have the answers to things, but what happens if we don't have the answers? Who can we turn to? And I ask you Internet- what happens when you are the one people turn to? How can we find those answers we so desperately are in need of, if WE are the ones that hold all the answers?
Maybe, those answers we long for so much are what is making us upset. But when you feel you have no one to turn to- we must admit... It hurts. How do you get someone to understand EXACTLY what your feeling, when you don't even know how you are feeling yourself. And in that case, how are we getting the right "answers" if we aren't even explaining the right way.
Confusion and thought are our worst friends. We think and pick things a part until there is nothing left, and then we are left with doubt, unsure feelings, and of course...confusion.
So I tell you Internet- I have searched for enough answers to know that there are no REAL answers. We have to just live...
-Miss Semi-Optimistic
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Letting Go...
Hello Internet-
So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.
May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.
The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?
And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.
Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?
The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.
So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!
But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.
No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.
But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.
When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.
Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.
And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?
It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.
USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.
-Miss Optimistic
So if I have learned anything in the last few weeks it is to just let go. A lot happens in our lives and the thing that holds us back the most is holding on to things that hurt us.
May it be fathers who once showed some kind of interest in our lives and now just completely neglect you, ex lovers who did anything for you but now you just don't even know who they are anymore, or friends who you told all your secrets to and you just ended up with a knife in your back.
The thing is, is as much as we want those things to go back to how they once were- they never will. You can't make a father care more about his wife or his kids who he neglects, you can't make an ex wake up and realize what he has messed up, and you can't make a friend take back the scars on your back. The thing is, we hold on to things so tightly because we are so afraid to let them go, but have we ever tried to let them go? Have we ever really tried to give up on those things that kept us sane for so long?
And when we think about it- why is it soooo hard Internet? Why isn't it easier to let go of the people that hurt us the most.
Why do I still care if my Dad can't even hold a 5 minute conversation with me? Why do I still care that after four years my best friend and ex fell out of love with me? Why do I still care that all those friendships in the past have left me vulnerable and scarred?
The thing is- we can't solely rely on the people we once knew, because we all go through things to change us and we all are constantly morphing into new people; whether they be good or bad. Luckily, my sister's graduation from college happened. Luckily, all these things I STILL cared about just seemed so stupid now. I realized my dad will never be the one I remembered him as, and my ex will and I will never go back to who we were, and well the friends I knew I have known I don't want to know them anymore.
So, I promised my best friends that I would let it all go. I told him, no more. The ex can no longer be a friend, especially when he sits there accusing me of something that didn't happen. And if it did, it would've been from over 2 years ago. Can someone say GROW UP!!!!!
But I promised myself to let go of my father. For everyone who has an alcoholic, workaholic, pathological lying father, any type of father who is neglecting you in any way- I feel you. But even if they aren't a father. Maybe a mother, or a friend, or a lover, any type of neglect brings dark and pain to our hearts, and my advice to you is Let It Go.
No matter how many times I tell my dad that I would trade everything I have for him to be around more and care, the reality of it is- to him, they are words going in one ear and out the other. The reality is, to him the things I have are him showing me he cares. The reality is, I have been raised by a mom, and have been without a "father" figure for as long as I can remember. And this weekend- made that pain okay. This weekend made me realize that we don't NEED what society has set up for us. I look at myself today and I see a smart, beautiful, generous, and caring young woman, and thanks to my father not being around; I am ME.
But OF COURSE due to him not being around, I came along the best boys ever! The cheaters, the liars, the abusers, the users, you name it. And they never lasted....until THE EX. The ex was the first manly figure in my life and I loved it. It seemed he filled that whole that my father had dug into my guts. He made it okay. He made me feel like I could do ANYTHING, as long as he was there by my side. Until, he changed. Until- he realized I wasn't the only fish in the sea, if you know what I mean. But, once he had enough time exploring the ocean- WITHOUT me, he comes back while I am happily with my new boyfriend and had plenty of time to Let Him Go.
When I look back on the 4-5 months I spent without the ex texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing me. When I look back on those months when he was not around, I was happy. I wasn't worrying or looking out for someone who seemed to pity me for so long. I wasn't wasting more time on someone else then myself. I focused on myself for once, fixed myself, and became a better person because: I Let It Go.
Now that he is back, it's complicated, messy, and it's viral. He's like a disease and poisons my blood. I can't help but fall under his spells and do what he says. Until- he wants to accuse me of something I didn't really do until a few months ago. Ridiculous. So- I made a decision- Let Him Go. Yet again.
And that's the thing Internet- the only way we can truly be happy is by as Eminem's powerful song says "clean out our closets". We all have baggage and we all have demons, ghosts, issues, but I ask you- What makes us...us?
It is those demons, ghosts, issues, the baggage that has taught us who we are, and made us better. But the only way we can be better- is if we Let. The. Pain. Go.
USE IT TO LEARN, don't let it use you, don't let it keep you down and suffer. Just simply...Let It Go.
-Miss Optimistic
Monday, May 10, 2010
The End of the Beginning
Hello Internet-
So, today starts the end of a new beginning. A summer of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, and fun; and the end of a school year of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, fun, and arguments.
I have talked in previous posts about how we fear the end of things. How we worry about death and see it as bad, but the end of a school year means the beginning of a new one. The beginning of new adventures.
My summer IS SLAMMMMMM PACKED :-) and I cannot wait to begin it. For a while I will be in another country volunteering, and then traveling around, so for about a month there will be no Optimistic Voice, but I promise, when I return there will be plenty to share and tell you about!
AND! With the summer and not an extreme amount of work- I have time to read, to learn, and to experience. Which means, more posts for you to read, to learn, and to experience :-).
We all experience things differently; we take away different thoughts and perspectives from the same situations. Enjoy the end of a year, the work-day, the end of a day! What the hell am I saying?! Kick back, it's a Monday. Relax, grab a beer or a glass of wine and just take one for yourself.
I challenge you Internet- Look at what you have to day and basque in all you have! Appreciate it, and don't take it for granted. You never know what's to come.
-Miss Optimistic
So, today starts the end of a new beginning. A summer of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, and fun; and the end of a school year of laughs, tears, new experiences, travels, fun, and arguments.
I have talked in previous posts about how we fear the end of things. How we worry about death and see it as bad, but the end of a school year means the beginning of a new one. The beginning of new adventures.
My summer IS SLAMMMMMM PACKED :-) and I cannot wait to begin it. For a while I will be in another country volunteering, and then traveling around, so for about a month there will be no Optimistic Voice, but I promise, when I return there will be plenty to share and tell you about!
AND! With the summer and not an extreme amount of work- I have time to read, to learn, and to experience. Which means, more posts for you to read, to learn, and to experience :-).
We all experience things differently; we take away different thoughts and perspectives from the same situations. Enjoy the end of a year, the work-day, the end of a day! What the hell am I saying?! Kick back, it's a Monday. Relax, grab a beer or a glass of wine and just take one for yourself.
I challenge you Internet- Look at what you have to day and basque in all you have! Appreciate it, and don't take it for granted. You never know what's to come.
-Miss Optimistic
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Realization
Hello Internet:
So today I realized how to actually use this ridiculous site. HAHA!! I just realized I have had a few people commenting on my posts, and I had NO IDEA!
Now that I figured out how to use this thing, I will be posting/talking about comments people post. IF any are posted from here on out- also if people e-mail, instead of responding, I will use your situation (anonymous of course) and give you your answer here.
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com
SO! on, February 7, 2010 Will said....
I like that line "Talking is like crying wolf; you keep talking, people stop listening." I'll probably use it too :) My line is "You have 2 ears and 1 mouth because you are to listen twice as much as you are to speak"
What wise words. When you think about it this is so true. We have two ears to hear all around us, and one mouth to talk one way.
But, if we think about it, how many people really feel this way? How many people listen more than they talk? From the people I know- not many. I think I will touch on this a bit more.
Internet- how often do you listen? How often do you talk? Do you talk more than you listen or vice-versa? I challenge you, use your two ears, and use less of your mouth. You will learn more by listening.
I told my boyfriend last night, "I can't teach you if you don't want to learn."
If you are not willing to listen, don't listen. But you will be missing out on amazing words, thoughts, and ideas.
Think about it, or maybe listen more. It's funny I think the reason why I get so frustrated with people, and dislike people so easily is because I actually listen. I listen to the stupid pointless things they say. He said this, she did that, omg?! did you hear about her?! What is the point? Why focus on other people's lives- clearly you have little to no life of your own if that is what you are doing.
Open your mind, ears, and close your mouth Internet.
Learn something today.
-Miss Optimistic
So today I realized how to actually use this ridiculous site. HAHA!! I just realized I have had a few people commenting on my posts, and I had NO IDEA!
Now that I figured out how to use this thing, I will be posting/talking about comments people post. IF any are posted from here on out- also if people e-mail, instead of responding, I will use your situation (anonymous of course) and give you your answer here.
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com
SO! on, February 7, 2010 Will said....
I like that line "Talking is like crying wolf; you keep talking, people stop listening." I'll probably use it too :) My line is "You have 2 ears and 1 mouth because you are to listen twice as much as you are to speak"
What wise words. When you think about it this is so true. We have two ears to hear all around us, and one mouth to talk one way.
But, if we think about it, how many people really feel this way? How many people listen more than they talk? From the people I know- not many. I think I will touch on this a bit more.
Internet- how often do you listen? How often do you talk? Do you talk more than you listen or vice-versa? I challenge you, use your two ears, and use less of your mouth. You will learn more by listening.
I told my boyfriend last night, "I can't teach you if you don't want to learn."
If you are not willing to listen, don't listen. But you will be missing out on amazing words, thoughts, and ideas.
Think about it, or maybe listen more. It's funny I think the reason why I get so frustrated with people, and dislike people so easily is because I actually listen. I listen to the stupid pointless things they say. He said this, she did that, omg?! did you hear about her?! What is the point? Why focus on other people's lives- clearly you have little to no life of your own if that is what you are doing.
Open your mind, ears, and close your mouth Internet.
Learn something today.
-Miss Optimistic
Monday, May 3, 2010
Thinking
Dear Internet-
Today I ask you for advice. If you feel you have something worthy of saying- email me:
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com
I told a girl a few weeks ago, don't think about the could have beens, it only brings darkness and pain. I never think about them, because I am grateful for what I have not what I could have had.
But the last few days, all I can do is think about the could have beens. The "what ifs" we surround our lives with. What if this happened instead of that?
And why do we do this to ourselves anyway? Think about what we could have, when we have great things as it is. A good life, good boyfriend, good family, pretty good grades (they would be good to other people), good school, good friends, good pretty much everything. Yet I am sitting here not being able to study for a part of one of my exams tomorrow because I am stuck thinking about the could have beens.
How can we go about ignoring what we don't have? How can we accomplish just appreciating all the beautiful things that we do have? Why worry? Why ponder about the things that you don't have, because if you had them you would deserve them, or maybe it's not time for you to have them? I don't know.
But I ask you Internet, when you think, what do you think about? Why do you think about it? Does it give you joy, sadness, make you reminisce? What is it about these thoughts that take over our minds and make us next to immobile.
It's just one of those days Internet.
...What to do?
-Miss semi-Optimistic
Today I ask you for advice. If you feel you have something worthy of saying- email me:
optimisticvoice@yahoo.com
I told a girl a few weeks ago, don't think about the could have beens, it only brings darkness and pain. I never think about them, because I am grateful for what I have not what I could have had.
But the last few days, all I can do is think about the could have beens. The "what ifs" we surround our lives with. What if this happened instead of that?
And why do we do this to ourselves anyway? Think about what we could have, when we have great things as it is. A good life, good boyfriend, good family, pretty good grades (they would be good to other people), good school, good friends, good pretty much everything. Yet I am sitting here not being able to study for a part of one of my exams tomorrow because I am stuck thinking about the could have beens.
How can we go about ignoring what we don't have? How can we accomplish just appreciating all the beautiful things that we do have? Why worry? Why ponder about the things that you don't have, because if you had them you would deserve them, or maybe it's not time for you to have them? I don't know.
But I ask you Internet, when you think, what do you think about? Why do you think about it? Does it give you joy, sadness, make you reminisce? What is it about these thoughts that take over our minds and make us next to immobile.
It's just one of those days Internet.
...What to do?
-Miss semi-Optimistic
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