Let The Fear be Gone.

Hello Internet:

So, I got an e-mail today from the Secret scrolls...this is what it said.

"There is a difference between feeling gratitude and appreciation for something, and feeling attachment to something. Appreciation and gratitude are states of pure love, while attachment contains fear - fear of losing or not having what you are attached to. When it comes to something you want in your life, appreciation and gratitude attracts, and attachment pushes away. If you are feeling afraid that you will not get what you want, or losing what you have, then you have attachment.
To remove the attachment, keep shifting yourself into a state of appreciation and gratitude, until you can feel that the fear has gone."

-Rhonda Byrne

It's funny that I got this when I did. Life just works that way, to give us little reminders :-).

Attachment is a difficult topic for a lot of people, as is fear. We are all afraid of things. Once we get into comfortable situations, we fear what we'd be like outside of those situations. When we've been with someone for so long, how do we let it go? How do we know we will truly be okay without them? If we've been in a job for so long, how do we leave it? I guess the thing is, is we are always afraid of change.

We are afraid of losing something we don't know if we want to get rid of. We are so caught up in the comfort of everything going on in our lives, that when we decide to get rid of it- there is always that "what if" side of us that takes over...to cover up our fear. Why is it so hard for us to let go?


We want what we have, and then once we try to let it go, we tighten our grip. We want that blanket when it's cold. We want to feel safe, and the things that make us feel safe, may necessarily not be making us happy. So don't think about the safety blanket- think about if you're happy or not- and if you are...keep it around. But be GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATIVE of it while it is around. If you aren't happy Internet- let the fear be gone, and let it go.

Something better is coming along for you...trust me :-)

-Miss Optimistic

My Mind Is Blank...?

Hello Internet-

I am very sleep deprived right now, and honestly my mind is just blank. I don't really have thoughts, I don't really feel, I just kinda feel like I'm in a foggy haze right now. I don't know if it's from not sleeping or just what it is.

I found a quote online though- "Stop existing and start living." - Anonymous

I stopped when I read it- because since my mind is so blank, I couldn't even figure out what it meant. I stared at it for a while; questioning things, wondering things, and then it just kinda came to me. How many of us are really living and how many of us are just walking through life and crossing days off the calendar?

The last week I feel I have just been walking through and crossing days off the calendar. I haven't felt anything really significant in a while, except when I lay down and close my eyes. How can we go from being completely up beat and happy to numb and hazy?

We have all experienced days/times like these Internet, and honestly I have no advice other than there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The one thing that just really bothers me when I feel like this is when people constantly keep asking if I'm okay, if somethings wrong. Because I don't think anything is wrong...I just don't feel 100% myself, and how do you tell someone that?

I think I need sleep. I think that's it, but how can I use that as an excuse? I have been living my life though. As fully as I can...and I guess that's all I can do for right now.

-Miss Semi-Optimistic?

A Comfy Shoulder

Hello Internet-

I know I know, again it has been a while, and for that I apologize. Life has been throwing me obstacles right and left to try and hurdle some how...I guess that just means more lessons for you to enjoy! :-)


The last few days have been hard. I've been feeling very lonely, very tired, and constantly thinking. A scare, for right now, has opened my eyes to how important people are in your life. I know I say this often- but we so easily take people for granted who are the most important and most influential in our lives. So take a step back, and Internet I challenge you to think: What if that person died tomorrow? What would you have done differently? What would you have told them in their last few hours? What would you have done with them, etc? And after you think about them- FUCKING DO THEM!!!! Don't just think...because in case it has not been proven to you yet- ACTIONS ARE LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!! Step up and show that person how important they are to you.

Today- a good friend and I had some free time and just sat and talked for a few hours. I vented with all the stuff my mind keeps going to, and he listened, commented, and sympathized...and for once, I enjoyed the sympathy I was receiving. I didn't feel alone anymore, and I felt like someone was actually listening to me. Sure, people listen all the time to me ramble on, and you guys who read this may or may not listen to my posts...but regardless, I still write. I don't quite know what it is about just going to someone different for once, but it's always nice to just have that comfy shoulder to lean on...especially when life seems to be pulling you down with it.

I know things will be getting better soon, but my mentality is live in the moment- and right now, I just don't feel optimistic or happy. I feel tired and frustrated. I feel confused. I feel upset and angry. I feel all these emotions and I don't quite know how to put them all together into one sentence to get people to understand how I feel right now. That's the one thing that just sometimes frustrates me with some of my close friends- it just seems like they don't get it...they may not understand the struggles or hardships that come along. Everyone's life is different...but it's hard to deal with people who seem to deal with nothing.

So I say thank you to that friend...for listening and giving me advice. I want you to know that your time today was greatly appreciated...and you made my day just that much better.

Before I sign off for the night Internet- I want you to realize...it's okay to branch out to people. Find that Comfy Shoulder...because to tell you the truth- without them...who knows where our world would be. AND! Don't hesitate to ever offer yours...who knows what yours could prevent.

-Miss Optimistic

Happiness

Hello Internet-

So as I am attempting to repack all my belongings for yet another year of school...I find myself procrastinating- as always :-).

Last night I was going through some images and came across this quote:

"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'Happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life."- Anonymous

And, as much as I love school, when you think about it- they put a lot of bull shit into your mind. How could you tell a child that being happy was misunderstanding an assignment. They do say- laughter is the best medicine, so how could being happy be wrong in what they want to be?

School's have become so black and white that things have to be right or they are wrong. Why can't there be different versions of things? Why can't we just be open to what we want to be open to? Why do we need to specify what we are or where we are going or who we want to be? Why does society make it "normal" for us to have everything so clean cut and put out for everyone else...like airing our laundry out in the back yard.

Life is not that way at all...so when is our society going to realize this? Maybe never. School is great for us to learn and to expand our minds- but when has it been the school's job to tell us what is right or wrong with our future?

It's funny I've been trying to get in touch with my school for the last week, because I need to get into this class, and no one is around. I keep getting voicemails and empty promises...so how can school's sit there and say they put their students first, when they can't even answer a phone? How can school's say they put their students first when they are trying to mold their minds into believing something that may not even be 100% true.

My point Internet- is be open to everything. If you hear it, it very well may not be true. Listen to everything, but believe what, in your heart, feels right.

-Miss Optimistic

Little White Lies

Hello Internet-

Double take today, but I have something on my mind. We have all done it, and we all are guilty of probably doing it to cover up the original one- we lie. Sometimes we lie about stupid things, but other times we lie to not hurt the other person involved. Sometimes we lie about big things, but other times we lie to just not look so bad. We do it all the time...some of us. Unfortunately, what happens if we get caught in a lie- we lie some more right?

So, here you are a few months, years, how ever long later, living lie on top of lie on top of lie. How do you keep them all straight?? You can't. A lie is something that is so wrong you can't take it back. Once it's out of your mouth, how do you have the heart to tell someone you lied?? It's next to impossible. So we live off these lies that in our heads become reality.

MY point Internet...is why lie? What is so hard about being honest? We all know the truth fucking hurts- because we live it every day...so why is it so easy to just create a lie in our heads?

Advice- just DON'T DO IT!!! Lying says a lot about who you are as a person- and all it's really saying is: coward, fake, and asshole. ALL negative...so where is the good in that?

Stay positive, and if you tell the truth you will be rewarded, lie and karma will come to pay you a visit :-).

-Miss Optimistic

The Freak Out!

Hello Internet-

So, again it has been quite a while since my last post, but I have been traveling and just have been lazy and not had any other thoughts to cross my mind to write about. Until- today. Relationships are always hard at times and even worse at others- but you can learn the most from the downs of a relationship.

Last night, I had my "freak out". I can't figure out my school's class thing, and it has been stressing me out. Not only did it stress me, but because I was stressed- it stressed my boyfriend as well. He claims he was trying to help make me feel better the whole time, but really- what do we want when we have these "freak outs"? We want it to be better, right? We just don't want to feel the anxiety and the uncertainties rushing through our minds.

Then, this morning, I had to deal with my mom about the whole issue, and it's hard being told things from her that I've been writing about here. Yes, I know she has learned a lot in her life time...but it's always hard being a kid and still just not quite wanting to hear what your parents have to say.

The point of this post- I'm not really sure as of now. I just know that we all have these moments in life where we get stressed and aren't really sure what to do. And my advice, it'll all work out how it's supposed to. It may suck living through it, but that's life...as we know it.

Have faith that this world is taking you where you are supposed to go, and it'll all work out.

-Miss Optimistic

"Just Relax...That's Usually The Easiest Part!"

Hello Internet-

So, today I went with my mom to get my nails done. As she's filling my nails, the woman says, "Just relax your hands! That's usually the easiest part..." and then kinda laughed. After she told me this, I started thinking....I went to yoga last night with my mom and I couldn't do it with my eyes closed. And I was wondering, how all of them could. Is it possible that I have been raised to not ever really be able to relax? Of course I can though, I relaxed for 5 weeks in another country...by doing things.

Why couldn't I just relax? And then I got scared...what if, I'm similar to my dad, and I just can't relax. We all need to relax...because how can we get through the days without relaxing? We need a little time to ourselves to just calm down and remember it's all good. That regardless of everything we do every day, we are tsill here, and we are still very lucky for where we are, what we have, and the home we live in.

Maybe I can relax...it's just harder to relax when I am not 100% on my own. When I am by myself I can read and relax and take time to myself, but when other people are around- I constantly feel like I need to be watching and observing. Do you feel this way ever Internet?? That you just need to keep your eyes open for anything? That something may happen, and you'll miss it.

It's a shame we have come to that, but I feel I can relax better the more I observe. I challenge you Internet- to take time for yourself every day. Whether it's before you go to bed or when you get up. Just 5 minutes is all you need and just relax...I promise you it will be well worth it.

-Miss Optimistic

Coming to Terms with Reality

Hello Internet-

So, as I have been struggling through the last week home, I have realized how terribly boring it is. And because I'm bored- I find myself doing the same thing...watching TV almost all the time. And what is TV doing for me? Abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING!

When you start thinking about it- although I am grateful for the computer I am writing this with, the internet that is in my home, and the technology we have...it is slowly ruining us. While in Ecuador, and not even being able to watch a TV 99 percent of the time- I spent my free time writing in a journal and reading. Now, I am back, and technology took it's place once again. Last night I at least read myself to sleep instead of watching TV. And that's what I want to do get out of most technologies and rely on what is there and in my hand.

I have been home alone for the last 4 days though, which I think has something to do with it...because I normally don't watch TV all that much anyway. But, tink about it Internet...how much time do you waste using technology, when you could be doing something else?? Can you cut that time- try to do something else?

And that is my challenge to you Internet- try limiting the use of technology and if you can eliminate some of them, and not only will you be helping yourself, but the environment as well.

-Miss Optimistic

A little quote to think about

Hello Internet-

Dare to look foolish. The real fools are those who never attempt anything. Dare to make mistakes. They are the best teachers you will ever know. Dare to take action. There`s a risk you may fail, yet if you take no action, failure is certainty. Dare to be fully alive. Dare to speak your mind. Dare to enjoy the beauty of the world. Dare to make a difference. Dare to love. Dare to be the person you know you can be. Dare to expect the best. With your words & actions, you`ll usually get it. Dare to do what`s right rather than what`s convenient & expedient. It will truly make a difference in the way you see yourself, & the way others see you. You`re here, with this magnificent day available to you. Dare to make it the best you can.

this says it all :-)

-Miss Optimistic

Our Own Worst Enemies

Hello Internet-

I am home from Ecuador, and have never been happier! :-) A short post today for you to think about.

While I was brushing my teeth I started looking back on my trip, and I realized...we always are way too hard on ourselves. We always over think situations and we always try to figure out what other people are thinking. But 99% of the time, we are wrong.

For the last five weeks I felt that these few girls honestly did not like me, until my plane ride home, when I read the short letters they wrote in the back of my journal. Not only had I been wrong the whole time, but they only were trying to take me under their wings and show me things they had learned; which I was too stubborn and ignorant to understand.

So my point Internet, is a. don't try to think you know what others are thinking, because most of the time, you don't know. and b. let go. Stop being so hard on yourself because it only ruins opportunities in the end.

We have only one life, so live it.

- Miss Optimistic

What A Waste!

Hello Internet- (from ecuador :-D )

I hope summer/ break/ whatever you hve been doing for the last 3 weeks has been good, and hopefully some of the things I've written about you have had time to maybe apply them, or even just read them.

I have learned so much here in the last few weeks, and I have one more week left to keep on experiencing and learning. I must say, the biggest lesson I have learned here which is why I'm taking time to tell you! I think it's very important and something our society constantly neglects. We are wasting and contaminating our earth every day. Look at the things you buy. When I started learning about consumerism I was like yea whatever... And then... I realizes. Make-up. All that make up all of us girls buy- there is more packaging and plastic to hold the damn shit then there is actual product. You know, plastic never turns into compost, once it's made it's always here. And to make it we are burning deathly chemicals in the air; some people put it in fires to burn it awY, but that only puts more chemicals in the air.

I'm not telling you to stop buying things, because we all need things, just be smart. I am not going to use make up when I go home. Probably to go out or for special occasions I will, but I'm onl wasting a. my money and b. ruining the environment.


When I first got here I couldn't believethe pollution. People here just don't know any better, so they throw their plastc bags, bottles, cans, glass, anything on the side of the road. It's sad to see how poorly people take care of their community. And what does that do for us Internet? If our surroundings are poor and gross, then our moods probably aren't as good as they could be.

One thing I noticed about myself here, is I always hid behind a mask: my make up. But goig 3 weeks without it, I can actually start seeing the beauty my boyfriend tells me I have with out it. These industries make us believe we need to cover up and buy all this shit, when we don't even NEED half of it!

I will post again soon, just something to think about :-)

- Miss Optimistic

The Last Post....for a while :-)

Hello Internet-

So, while I say my farewells and bags are packed- it has sunk in. I leave tomorrow morning for Ecuador. Scared shitless but yet SO excited! With that- tonight will be my last post/lesson until about July 10th.


What to say- opinions. We all have them all, but how do we use them? Normally when we have opinions we tend to get passionate about them. We tend to get an attitude because we want people to see things from how we see them. We have been taught that wrong is bad, so our opinions should be right.

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron says, "cultivating nonaggression is cultivating peace." Why do we get so defensive when someone attacks our ideals, morals, or opinions? I mean we all think differently therefore we all have different opinions, so what is wrong with that? Like Pema says, "we have a lot of opinions, and we tend to take them as truth. But actually they aren't truth. They are just our opinions. We have a lot of emotional backup for these opinions. They are often judgmental or critical; they're sometimes about how nice or perfect something is."

But let's keep in mind...
"Opinions are opinions, nothing more or less. We can begin to notice them, and we can begin to label them as opinions, just as we label thoughts as thoughts. Just by this simple exercise we are introduced to the notion of egolessness. All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are."

So, I ask you Internet- what is so important about these opinions that we hold on to them so dearly? Why can't we all just be open to other people's ideas, and possibly adapt ours to theirs.

There is a lot in this world that we are unaware of- and if we hear other opinions- another door may be opened that we never saw before. Facts is something we learn in school- but what we need to realize, is these opinions or thoughts are what we learn from experience. From taking those facts and applying them to life- that is how we form our opinions.

AND- Since I have said in previous posts, everyone experiences things differently, everyone will hold different ideas, but what is wrong with that? Think about it: the more opinions we are exposed to the more we grow as a human being- there is NOTHING wrong with that.

On that note- think about this quote- "I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non-feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and to think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love." From The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.

The point of that quote is open your mind. Do not be so closed off to others opinions, because you will open up new insights, new understandings, and new love. And if you don't believe me Internet- once I opened up my mind and started listening to other people's thoughts, I ended up with an amazing man, I found new understandings, new insights, and like I just said new love.

So- if those are the things you are looking for, than what are you waiting for?

-Miss Optimistic

P.S.- I hope everyone has a great month! I will be back before you know it :-)

From Forwarded Mesages

Hello Internet-

Came across another blog the other day and found some interesting advice from Forwarded Messages.

Things you can not take back:

1. The stone after the throw.
2. The word after it's said.
3. The occasion after the loss.
4. The time after it's gone.


Think about these four things. I will post again later on this evening.

-Miss Optimistic

The Most Difficult Times

Hello Internet-

Sorry it has been a while, I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's home. Not only have I fallen in love with him, but I am in love with his family too. HA! But anywho, I leave for Ecuador in 4 days and am very nervous. I am scared to leave for the month, but can not wait to grow and experience things. I guess we will see how it all unveils.

But- for the my thoughts of today.

"The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness. It's as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hours, months, or years." - From "When Things Fall Apart".

We are so caught up in running around and trying to finish and complete all these tasks we forget to just relax. We build these emotions and thoughts in our heads to become more than what they are.

"Our personal demons come in many guises. We experience them as shame, as jealousy, as abandonment, as rage. They are anything that makes us so uncomfortable that we continually run away."

The weird thing about humans is we build drama, and then we run from it. So, how does that make sense? We want the ugly and we want the disease as Lady Gaga says in her song Bad Romance, but then we don't want to actually deal with it.

But why Internet? Why can't we just leave what is as it is? It's like- we always need something to be going on. Great. I am soooo glad that shitty T.V. has taught us that drama should always be going on, but when we think about it- drama is EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! It stresses me out, I can't focus, I'm emotional- how is that some one I'd want to be...oh yea, it's not.

"Like the tides of the sea, like day and night--this is the nature of things. Being able to appreciate, being able to look closely, being able to open our minds--this is the core of maturity."

We need to stop creating things that aren't there. I have made many mistakes in over exaggerating situations. For example, my boyfriend tells me umm I dunno 3 months after the actual situation happened that he lied and actually met up with his ex over spring break. UMM WHAT?!- was my initial reaction. My mind went straight to my dad- he's gonna leave me just like every other man in my life. He's gonna find something better, well my dad found work not some one else but...when I think about it- the guys in my life never really left me...I pushed them away. I made a huge deal out of something stupid.

Then of course, for a while when he went out I would kinda question him- oh who'd you go with? Did you really go to the movies with your parents? Our minds are non-stop- they never slow down!

So Internet- that is my challenge to you. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the details in life, enjoy the man or woman that is by your side. Don't create more than you need in your life. If he hasn't called he doesn't want to talk. Take another day to yourself and just reflect. Go for a walk- breathe in the sweet summer air, look at the beautiful colors summer has given Earth, and feel the gravel; dirt; concrete; and/or grass under your feet. You have five senses- use them.

-Miss Optimistic

Don't be one of them...

Hello Internet-

Looking back on life today, I realized I keep running into people that we should be warned to NEVER be like, to NEVER admire, and to NEVER respect.

The coward. One who runs. One who keeps secrets. The one who hides. The coward is someone we are constantly surrounded by. He or she is your everyday person who tricks you into believing they are someone else. And then, when you have the slightest inkling as to who they are, they run. You often have to ask yourself- how could someone be so ignorant and just run. The saying, "he's more of a man than you'll ever be". Eh, your typical coward...you just found out too late who they really were. So, I tell you Internet- be yourself. Do not hide behind mirages or masks...it's okay to be who you are- just own up to it. People will respect you more.

The asshole. OH MY FAVORITE!! :-) You see I tend to attract the asshole better for some reason. Maybe that's because that's all I've ever known. The asshole- is the one that makes you feel like dirt. The one who makes you feel like shit, when he's the shitty one. The asshole puts everyone around them down, because they can't bare to admit how terrible of people they really are. They criticize, manipulate, and scrutinize everyone they are surrounded by...when they are the ones who need the criticism and need to be revealed for who they really are...the asshole.

The sinner. We have all sinned, this is inevitable, but it is those who lurk and hide their sins that are "the sinner". They are the ones that sin almost everyday and hide it behind lies and masks. Why not just own up to what has been done. If I make a mistake with my boyfriend- I am damned sure to own up and apologize for being a stupid bitch. If he's being an ignorant asshole- he always apologizes. The sinner, is the one that is a stupid bitch or an ignorant asshole and yet still denies it. Maybe the sinner could be, the in denial one. Because after all, those who are down in the deepest of holes, are always the ones in denial. EXAMPLE- ADDICTS!!!! Cokeheads, heroin addicts, workaholics, shopoholics, alcoholics, any type of addiction, the first step to getting over it is admitting you have a problem.

And what do all of these WONDERFUL people have in common? They are all hiding. They are all putting on masks and pretending to be something they are not. Looking back on my past, after finding a silly sweatshirt...I have found that most men or women, if they are one of the above, they are all of the above.

DO NOT BE FOOLED, and DO NOT fall into these categories of people..they are not worth spending your time on. Look at yourself- and ask yourself Internet- am I who I want to be? Do I fall into any one of these categories? And if you do...how can you change that, because I know you are better than that.

-Miss Optimistic