Black and White

Hello Internet:

So, I started thinking today while I was waiting in the health center to only get told I have bronchitis symptoms, how much easier life would be if it was black and white. No grays, no hazy white, or dull blacks. Just this is what it is, and this is what I want, and I got it.

The thing is- There are always grays, there are always hazy whites, and there are always dull blacks. I found a drawing today my ex boyfriend/best friend had drawn for me. It was a sunset with a boat sailing into it. On the back, said this is to symbolize you and me moving forward. Our amazing bond will never break, because you and me have something too special. You will always be mine- I want you and no one else.

Something like that.

Funny thing is, is a few weeks after he had sent me that, our relationship deteriorated, and our friendship started falling apart. My heart ached for days and days, this painful throb in my chest never seemed to stop. It pounded with each footstep I took and each breath that entered my lungs. The one thing that kept me holding on for so many years had vanished from my life.

I look back on it, and the only thing that actually kept us together was this "love" we shared. This bond we had where we just knew we literally had no one else. It was only me he could come to, only me he would want to be with, only me he could run to. It was White. It all was angelic and what I thought was this perfect friendship, this perfect love. Once the hazy whites sunk in is when my heart started breaking.

It seems life is much simpler if it is all in black and white, much less painful. This girl started talking to me about this situation with this stupid ignorant boy. Here he let this amazing girl go, and then goes flaunting other girls he's all over in front of her. I'm not sure when this dull black became acceptable in society, but I will say one thing.

The haziest days are always the hardest to pull through, but when we have that white or black to hold our hands along the way it makes it a little easier.

Our hearts are going to ache and hurt regardless of if we want them to. I can tell myself day after day this ex best(boy) friend is out of my mind, out of my life, but with every day my mind goes back to him my heart aches for him.

There is always that hole in our lives, that hazy white, or that dull black that taunts us. That says life is not perfect. But, there is always that one thing that some how magically fills that hole and makes your life pure and white.

I thought my life would never be white again, but my consistent gratitude and my positive mind gave me this gift I now can call mine. This hole that has been filled. Sure, I still have those moments of grays, where life seems so complicated and so incomplete, but my point of this blog post Internet is to show you that although things may seem worse at the time. There is always a better tomorrow that you can create.

-Miss Optimistic