Questions

Hello Internet-

Since, the title is questions, why not start out with one? There are always questions, and 99.9% of the time, we probably don't know the answers to them. Questions keep us pushing but they can also hold us back. They help us obtain knowledge, help us adjust knowledge, and help us lose knowledge. How can we find these answers? And why do we always need these answers?

There are always those moments in life where we just don't know. We don't even know the questions to be asked, or how to answer questions that may be asked. We look to others to just help, in any way they can. We look for anything to explain what could possibly be going on inside. You shouldn't have to look hard. There are always reasons for everything. Every feeling, every thought, every action, and every breathe. We are always going toward where we are supposed to be.

Our emotions may be just pushing us away from something or toward something else. So right now, I am question and answerless. It's late, I'm tired, my mind is next to blank, and it's all just numb. The part that sucks the most, is I did nothing to get into this state. I didn't take anything, I didn't do anything, this is just me right now. And it's weird, ever since I've been back at school, ever since all this family shit has exploded- that's all things are to me is dull or numb. I would much rather take something to make me feel this way, then not understand why I am feeling this way.

I think we all feel this way. We all would rather have the answers, then be the ones asking the questions. I thought I was always the one with the answers, that any one could come to me, and I could have the advice, I could help, and it's now that I realize I don't know how. Yes some of you read this blog, and have told me how I am so good with words, I am so wise, etc. But how can I sit here and give you advice when I can't even give myself advice.

I guess that is the lesson of this post- one can never turn to themselves for advice. I think that's why I'm here right now. I kept telling myself I had it, that I was okay, that I was handling my emotions okay, and then all of a sudden it get's blown in my face. Like HAHAHA!! YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE!!!

I told a friend the other day, people give the best advice on the parts of life they need advice on. If that makes sense, I hope it does. I guess I'm saying, never try to help yourself, most of the time, it just leads you to confusion and dullness.

Yeah, I don't know.
-Miss Optimistic