Secrets

Hello Internet-

I know I keep writing and then disappearing for a while, but my biggest pet peve is repeating myself, and I want new good ideas, and not the same old posts I have been talking about.

Frank Warren- owner of Post Secret came and talked at my University. Incredible by the way, he said he's going all over so keep an eye out, and look for his name. His talk inspired me. I sat on it for a few days, when it hit me. There is not one thing that I consider a "secret" in my life. Sure I have my dark times, but there is not one thing I haven't told anyone about or talked about. This bothers me. I'm sure there is something, why can't I think of my secrets?

Frank talked about how sometimes we don't keep the secrets- our secrets keep us. What if my secrets are keeping me? Because, I don't think I have any real secrets. What if, Internet, we have hidden these secrets soo deep down, that we can't even recognize them as secrets. We have left them there to just dissolve and be forgotten about. How does this help us? How can we move on if we can't face it.

That's my biggest fear. I talked to my boyfriend about Warren's talk, and he told me about his deepest secret he was hiding from me a while ago, but I don't think that I have anything that deep and dark that is so locked up and so controlled by my heart and mind. But I wonder if maybe that's why I am who I am- maybe there really is no secret.

While in Ecuador this summer, I met a woman, an incredible woman. She talked about her family like it was no big deal. I wanted to cry or scream, because I was sitting there dealing with an asshole father, and had been having nightmares about him just leaving me or not wanting me anymore. I told her how much I envied how she could talk so openly about her past. She told me, "I am not ashamed of my past. It has made me who I am, and I can only be thankful for that." A few weeks later on my trip- I told now two of my really good friends about the whole situation. That my father had another home, another place that he had been lying about. He had bought it from his secretary who may or may not have been having an affair with for the past 10 years. I have stood up for him and looked up to him for so long thanking him for supporting the family and sacrificing his time to give to us, and then all of that came crashing down. But once I opened up to someone in Ecuador, my nightmares stopped. I had opened my closet and let the skeletons out and it felt SOOO good.

Why must we feel closing up and hiding things is easier? Because, it's not. These secrets haunt us, and they are constantly coming back to bite us in the butt. The only way to get through these times is to face them. Embrace our secrets and embrace others' secrets as well.

I realized that this is my reason for this blog. Maybe by me putting what I have been through and my advice in a public place for free...maybe, just maybe, I can touch people and show people- they are not alone; just like Frank Warren has done with his post cards and collection of secrets. If you haven't heard of his cite- I suggest you click on the link above and check it out. He has touched millions, and that is something so incredible, that is something I want to do one day.

My point Internet- in the words of Eminem- "I'm cleanin' out my closet". Don't lock these secrets up. It'll only tear you up on the inside. Be open, be honest, and understand others could possibly be going through what you are going through.

-Miss Optimistic